Thursday, December 21

Playing The Game

Now I'd never describe myself as an expert of women, but I do think that it's easy enough to get on the right side of most as long as you say the right thing. I'm sure most of you know what I'm talking about here. Call it charm, call it flirting well, but if you have the gift of the gab and use it in a particular way, then you have a better chance of getting whatever it is you want. And it's not just talk; you can be just as smooth and "persuasive" with your actions, demure and behaviour too.

This works both ways, of course, but it's less of a problem when going in the opposite direction, since a) all women are honest and b) they don't need to try too hard to get a guy anyway. Cough.

And so, apparently I've been saying the wrong things during my potential rishta meetings. The things I've said I shouldn't have, and the things I didn't say, I should have. I answered too many questions, when I should have just kept quiet, and generally I didn't do myself any favours by being, what I consider to be, honest and open about how I live my life and such. Instead, I should leave certain things till after, presumably till a time when it's too late. Like my honeymoon, say.

But is this the correct strategy to take? I'm not worried about it not working - in fact I would probably say that it's the quickest way to get a girl that happens to take your fancy. It's not dishonest either: possibly a bit manipulative, but there are no untruths in keeping quiet or presenting a single part of yourself, so someone who does would not be lying in a moral quagmire or anything.

There are other reasons too:

  1. Everyone manipulates in this business anyway, so you'll just be bringing parity and balance to the table. In fact, to not act in this way would totally throw people off.
  2. Guys especially don't need to bare all - most girls will assume the things left unsaid anyway, so they don't have to be made explicit.
  3. Some things don't matter in the long run, even if one or both of you think they do. In that sense, it's is your machivilian duty to keep quiet - for their sake if not your own.
Of course these are all rubbish, although the first might explain a lot, especially if people aren't expecting openness and honesty.

Playing the game in this way (indeed treating it like a game at all) is, almost by definition, the easy way, and my general feeling is that something is probably not worth it if you didn't have to sweat for it. Anyone can get a bearable marriage if they wanted to, but I think that such a stance would be missing the point.

I don't want to make do with just a marriage, you see. No, I want one that will enhance myself as a person and do the same for that other party too, one that has a basis and has been approached by everyone with their eyes wide open. It's kind of like the difference between cramming or memorising material, parrot fashion, for an exam the night before and spending many more days studying a subject from first principles - the grade you would get might be the same in each case, but I'm certain that the level and quality of real understanding would largely differ.

And I guess that's why I probably will not be changing my tact in the near future. I don't want a "strategy" or have to massage my way into someone else's life; this may have worked for others and indeed it might even work for me, but for some reason I'm pretty certain it wouldn't get me what I would want. Getting a passing grade in this case just wouldn't be enough, I'm afraid.

1 comment:

  1. :-) Shak- i think youre fantastic exactly the way you are. Seriously- despite the slack i give you (or like to give you sometimes), i love your approach in general (albeit a few issues i have which are minor and not really my business) and i think youre honest and open method is the best there is! I rate you, I really do. Don't change for anyone (not in your basic principles anyway cos you have them for valid reasons), you'll find her when its meant to be and inshAllah you will be happy, and so will she! :-)