A Poem To Me

Well isn't this something:

In lines of code, Shakil once wove,
A tale of software, passion drove.
Retired now, a seasoned sage,
Board games beckon, a new stage.

Binary realms left behind,
Dice and tokens now entwined.
From algorithms to game strategy,
Shakil finds joy in a playful sea.

Cards shuffled, boards unfurled,
In retirement, a gaming world.
Pixelated screens replaced by laughter,
A new adventure, happily after.

Tokens moved with thoughtful glee,
A master strategist, Shakil be.
Retirement's haven, where games unfold,
In the language of dice, his stories are told.

I'd be flattered except this was generated by ChatGPT and so yeah. But a big thank you to my friend who generated it and the world whose creativity was ripped off in producing it.

Dubai 2024

I've always had a love-hate relationship with Dubai. This essentially boils down to not liking the country and what it stands for and represents, but loving the friends and family that I know and continue to meet there. This has been the case since my first trip, visiting primarily to attend a wedding of someone I hadn't even met in person yet. Pretty wild for 2005 I know.

Such was my indifference-cum-denial, that I wasn't even going to take this trip, especially mere weeks after returning from the Middle East. A severe bout of FOMO finally convinced me to book my flight around a week before arriving, and even the consolation of only staying for six days was quickly snatched from me as I realised it was still one of my longest stays here.

Things have changed over the five years since my last visit. Deira has become seedy as hell, people now live miles away from the city centre (although the cheap metro is still great) and I even found the place rather cheap (which is probably because London is so expensive now).

But the biggest change might actually be in me. Between my visits to Oman and the UAE, I've started to understand why (more recent) folk have been migrating to the region and have become even more determined to remain. It's no longer about nil income taxes and halal McDonalds, but the quality of living, the weather and the relative peace. Under more scrutiny however, just like costs, it seems that this is saying more about the changing face of the UK than that of the Middle East, and what used to be beneficial in living in the west just doesn't seem much so any more.

This trip was mainly social, although I did also visit the Quranic Park and its Glass House for a wonderful lecture on foods mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah. As always the doss was top class, with plenty of hours spent shooting breeze and eating good food. And so as always I returned from Dubai on a high and what felt like way too early.

Oman, Day Eight: Coming Home

An afternoon flight didn't really leave much room for today so we pretty much went straight to the airport after breakfast for myself and another of the party to catch our flight home.

This gave me a chance to think about the trip and how great it was - I wouldn't say Oman has much to offer tourists per se, but as a place to hang out it hits the spot as much as Turkey does and makes a great alternative to Dubai - keeping all the good things that the Middle East has to offer while keeping modest and being diverse at the same time.

It's quite the feat when I consider it in detail and under this analysis it's no surprise that it conducive to such chill and good times. We (or perhaps it was just I) joked about making it an annual event, so I guess my assessment might just be put to the test sooner than we think.

Oman, Day Four: Rest Day

Unlike yesterday, we made an early start to get back to Muscat in order to receive the final member of our party who had decided to make the journey even though there was only a few days left remaining on the trip.

Today was a dead day by design - between our stint in the desert and flights for our friend there was no real appetite to do anything too ambitious. And so we found ourselves lunching in malls, gorging on opulent milkshakes and playing board games till late.

Given the previous days (and the next planned) it was a good excuse to slow down a bit.

Oman, Day Three: Camping in The Desert

After a start more relaxed than I would have liked, we made our way to the desert to enjoy an overnight stay on the sand and under the stars. Now given I had already done the desert safari (Dubai) and camping (Jordan) before this trip wasn't on the top of my list but since it was another chance to hang and play games it wasn't exactly something that was going to get a veto from me. Which was actually pretty lucky given how good this trip was.

The staples were all there: so dune bashing and various opportunities to play in the sand and take hero shots.

But it was the detail that mattered. Chilling with friends while watching the sun go down, eating barbecued camel meat while gup-shupping, playing a round of cards as we trash talked, and ending the night around a camp fire looking at the moon through a telescope.

As cringe as it sounds, it was never about the desert or sand activities, but more about spending time with friends in a different context - and ironically realising how much that context didn't actually matter, even though it may have emphasised the bonding.

Oh and of course it didn't hurt that our private cabins (versus tents) all had en suite washing facilities (versus a dry toilet and water out of a drum). At this age they're all luxuries I definitely appreciated.

Oman, Day Two: Muscat in a Pinch

This trip to Muscat was never meant to provide for tourism per se - and in many ways this is kind of my general approach to travel these days. Culture can be cringe but having a local take you around to the local spots trumps the tourist trail for me and given today was Jummah we used it as an excuse to stay local and tick off a few things we did want to see in the capital.

After a decent brunch (read: lunch for me), we headed to offer Jummah in the local Sunni mosque - the qualification is deliberate as I had already experienced first hand the Imadi Islam that prevails in Oman. The mosques here are lavish by the way.

We then headed to Shati Al Qurum, a quiet beach, for a walk and coffee - yet more chilling. The beach was clean, easy and just a nice place to hang out in.

As the sun was setting we headed to The Grand Mosque to offer Maghrib. It was lavish yet modest and in many ways representative of Omani culture, and definitely worth a visit.

After treating ourselves to Omani cuisine at a fancy restaurant we called it a day in anticipation of a weekend excursion that began the next day.

Oman, Day One: Getting The Party Started

There's a few things that make travel special: if they're booked last minute, the level of planning or depth of itinerary, the manner in which the travellers arrive and the "unattached" quotient of the group. This list just happened to be fully ticked off for this trip to Oman, and as a result I was very excited to be on my flight to Muscat.

Even though I arrived at 6am (night flights increasingly becoming my preferred way to travel) I wasn't the first to arrive - apart from the host another traveller had pipped me to the post by two hours and so the chatter and banter had already since begun and continued in person as I stepped into my local friend's villa where we were going to spend the next week or so.

After a good rest and some orientation the three of us headed to Al Mouj (previously known as The Wave) for a walk around the marina and a burger dinner and dessert. It was an evening of chill and calm (and card games) while we waited for the rest of the party to arrive and just the ticked for our first day in Oman.

The Crystal Maze

I'm usually the first to poo poo "experiences" aimed at us children of the 80s. I'm all for nostalgia, but I refuse to to pay for what essentially amounts to an emotional bullet to the head. But when some friends suggested we participate in The Crystal Maze I was curious - this would actually be quite interactive, and finally I'd have the chance to prove I wasn't as stupid as those contestants I saw on the TV. Don't lie - we all thought it. On the other hand £50 was quite the price to pay, but peer pressure and my own temporal flippancy prevailed and we booked our slot, almost 7 months in advance.

The experience itself was quite good. Now obviously I'm not to go into too much detail (can't have anyone cheating) but I think it's reasonable to discuss things like the quality of what was on offer. As expected it wasn't really a full fat Crystal Maze experience - it was always clear that we were in an office block, and some zones (I'm looking at you Futuristic) were actually quite laughable. Of course there was no Richard O'Brian, but our maze master was adequately fun, encouraging and helpful.

The games themselves were actually rather good, and I felt tested us in the same way contestants on the show were. As it was a team activity we didn't actually get to directly participate often, but as a group it was easy to remain involved. Oh and the whole thing was only 75 minutes which, understandably, flew by.

Oh and yes, we were validated both on personal (I won both my rooms) and group (by our performance in the dome) levels, although really the best advice we were given and can pass on is to really not worry about winning or losing.

So was it worth it? Well I have to say it really was a lot of fun - partly for the nostalgia, but mainly for the group hi-jinks and messing around. After the euphoria faded however I did conclude that at £50 it wasn't actually that great value for money: that much could get you a couple of escape rooms or real-world game that would last much longer than this did. So yes, I guess what I'm saying is that my initial hunch was correct, with this Crystal Maze experience being more about the nostalgia than the team-building or challenge; but that's not necessarily always a bad thing either, even though I can personally think of more enjoyable ways to spend my time and money on.

West Coast USA, Day Four: The Grand Canyon

The insanely early start was actually worth it, as we were driven to Boulder City airport to catch our helicopter ride. Due to my size and weight I pretty much got a prime seat and so was subject to some spectacular aerial views of Hoover Dam:

As well as the Nevada Desert:

And of course some fantastic views from the bottom of the canyon itself:

But having seen it, I have to say that I was a little, tiny bit underwhelmed. I think I'll just have to put it down to desensitisation. Is it possible to have seen it all?

The afternoon was a free one, which I used to explore some of the remaining corners of the strip. I also did some halal food recon and was surprised at the options that were available.

Today was also the date for the main event of the trip; the reason I had made it out here in the first place. A dear university friend hosted a wedding party tonight at Joe's Seafood Prime Steak and Stone Crab. It was an intimate affair, with no more than 40 of us, but it was nice because of it; these were people I have known for almost 20 years after all.

But despite the partying I did endeavour to grab an early night; we're due to leave tomorrow and it'll be another early start.

Trapped In A Room, With A Zombie

Room escape games have been gaining popularity for a while now - a few of my friends have raved about them and their mixture of fun, teamwork and gaming, and it seemed like one of the better team activities to try.

The one we booked had even more of a twist: it was set in a laboratory whose resident mad scientist had turned into a zombie. This made the game not only about the interaction between the twelve of us who attended and the puzzles, but also with the wild card element of someone who wanted to eat our brains (okay, fine, tag us out of the game).

As such is the nature of such things, it would be less than useful for me to talk too much about the evening. It was a whole lot of fun though, both with respect to the game itself and its puzzles, but even more so as a way to spend time with friends - you know, working as a team to achieve a single goal and all that.

Of course I have nothing (yet) with which to compare this variant of room escape, but I think the zombie did add more than a bit of fun to the proceedings. I'm sure other room escapes are as enjoyable though so when it comes to recommending I'd say to pick and do any one (or two, or three!) since you're bound to have a laugh either way.

Yasmin and Kashif

It's definitely a blessing having so many people around me getting married, but sooner or later there was bound to be a clash - in this case a total of three couples tying the knot in three different continents, all on the same day, meant I had to miss out on witnessing the celebrations. I guess I should be thankful that it hasn't happened before till now. If there was a way to have travelled the distances involved to attend all three I would have done so.

Yasmin is one of those pretty smart chicks who has the uncanny ability of being easy to talk to - I'm sure it has something to do with intelligence or being a good listener or something - and I've had a lot of wisdom from her over the years, particularly when it came to the whole game of finding a spouse. For sure, a part of me will miss the trading of stories and advice, but it's a small price to pay to see her on the other side.

My disappointment in missing Yasmin's wedding is only tempered by knowing how happy she is to marry Kashif, but the good news is that I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to catch up with them as they begin this amazing journey of theirs.

Imraan and Zeenat

Some friendships just naturally lend themselves to analysis. Take mine and Imraan's for example: we live a continent apart, have only met once (although that "once" did involve crashing at his place for a few days) and yet when we do talk it's like we're old friends (qualification: this may be one sided, but I don't care). Of course it helps that we have some things in common - a paradoxical blend of cynicism and optimism, that level of literacy and articulation that allows the efficient transfer of opinion and idea, and finally of course the innate ability to navel gaze. Sure we don't speak as often as we should, but when we do it's always fun.

Both this friendship and commonality make his marriage today particularly striking, and not least in a "if he can do it there's hope for the rest of us" way. Seeing him happy and excited makes me happy and excited, primarily for him but also for myself, and I expect to learn a lot from seeing Imraan get on with things. As is becoming way too common I haven't yet met Zeenat, but I am looking forward to doing so and I expect it will happen sooner rather than later.

My only regret is that I wasn't able to attend - but for sure it was only a family wedding in Sri Lanka that could have stopped me from doing so.

Amena and Mohiyuddin

The first adjectives I think when trying to describe Amena are "class" and "poise". Unlike some of her sistas in society Amena seems to have managed to steer clear of bad manners, bad humour and bad language and as a result we're left with that well mannered and well spoken classic lady type which is oh-so-rare nowadays. This is important to note (and applaud) as it's a very rare quality in an age where loudness and vulgarity seem to acceptable (and even popular) traits for boys and girls to have.

That's not to say Amena's not a laugh; she just happens to be hilarious in a decent way - and usually all at her own expense. This self-deprecating humility comes not from insecurity but from smarts - but she will also know exactly how to humour her friends without being patronising about it. You're never offended by anything Amena has to say - and even then she's always quick to accept her mistakes and apologise for them. In short there is no shortage of emotional intelligence here.

As the co-creator[1] of the phrase "HBD", she's also a prime example of how we are all responsible for the way we feel and perceive things. I don't think I've ever heard her complain about the cards she's been dealt, again a very unique attitude in a world where it's more normal for us to demand what we're apparently owed. And she can bake, which is always a bonus.

I briefly met Mohiyuddin today, and it was clear from quite early on how much of an all round nice guy he is. Responsible and easy going, he seems to know exactly how to treat the people around him be they new introductions (like us) or old friends or, of course, family. I have no doubt that both will give each other their dues and it's this that makes them such a wonderful couple.

[1] actually it was I who created this term, but the context of this post doesn't permit me to state that apart from in a footnote.

Fatimah and Salman

Intelligence really is in short supply in people. I say that not in an elitist way, but in one which is a compliment to those with intelligence. Fatimah is one such person, the type who isn't just only able to do clever things like maths and management, but also able to converse, listen and engage. It's not often that I'm able to talk to someone without having to explain what I mean (which for sure is a flaw of mine rather than that of the world's), but Fatimah simply "gets it", which makes it easy to get even deeper into the conversation we'd be having. It's a rare quality.

Having known her for a while now, it's great to see Fatimah find someone who is able to get her too. Some decisions are best assessed by results - and based on the way she talks about Salman it's clear how happy she will be in the life they will now share together. Congratulations to them both.

Khalid and Rifat

I've long become desensitised to amazing things. For whatever reason over the past decade I've been lucky enough to meet a whole bunch of authors, politicians, entrepreneurs, PhDs, film directors - the list really goes on. But what makes my meetings invariably special is that I didn't meet these people as authors, politicians, entrepreneurs, PhDs or film directors, but as normal people. It's this normality that desensitised me to their achievements - not in a bad way but in a more inspiring one, because if normal people like these can achieve such great things, then surely the rest of us can too?

Anyway, opening waffle aside, Khalid is one of these inspiring people. It'll take me many fingers to list exactly how many pies he's had his in, but for me personally the most important must have been his involvement in establishing ICSS. I think the key characteristic I admire about Khalid is how unafraid of failure he is, or rather his ability to recognise that sometimes an effort is worth more than the result.

It was great to see him get hitched today, and I can't wait to see him out and about as a married. Inspiring once again for sure, and not least because of the constant reminders during his nuptials of how I was "next" in the group (even though I blatantly am not).

Ishaq and Sanam

There's so many things that makes Ishaq a special guy, but I think top of the list is his humility. Where the rest of us are constantly vying to show how smart, clever and awesome we each are, Ishaq is the kind of guy who will help you convince everyone of those things. He'll laugh at your jokes even though he's funnier, thank you for your generosity even though he gives much more and be there to listen even though he's the one who needs the lending ear. So yes, all in all Ishaq is a pretty nice guy and one of the most patient, loyal and dependable people I know. I personally feel that I can learn a lot from him, and there's not many people I would say that about.

I never met Sanam before today, but I had heard a lot about her via Ishaq. Still even in that little time the way he's into her is clearly well-deserved, and I can't wait to get to know her better as time goes on.

Meet the Ramtoolas

One of the constants I've come to expect from a wedding-holiday is the deep exposure to the family of the bride or groom. This is unsurprising really; Indian weddings involve many events, many of which take place in a home with open doors; add to that the sheer joy and happiness and it's inevitable that you'll bond with people as they welcome you with open arms.

Being the imposing and tactless chap I am, I tend to lap this stuff up. It doesn't take long before I've exploited the situation and made myself comfortably at home, or at least free, familiar and friendly with my hosts. I'm yet to establish whether this makes me a rude guest or not, but until I'm actually chucked out of a place (something that may have happened a couple of times) I'll say the latter. Regardless of the detail, I was especially looking forward to Mauritius this year because of this factor, particularly after the touristy slog that was South America. Yes, that's right; I've become a people-holiday junkie.

So on that note I'm having a lovely time here, and it's obvious to me why. Since we're only staying here a week, the wedding and related functions have taken up most of the schedule - in fact as a visitor it's all a little intense really. It helps that our hosts and co-guests are all amazing (even though the majority of them seem to be accountants) and seem to have enough time to hang out with us outside of the nuptials too. That they all live on the same private road is also awesome since it essentially means easy access to what seems like a party everyday.

And what parties there were. There were two dinners, two mehndis, a nikkah and reception, and I'm struggling to decide which I enjoyed the most. I think this was pretty much as "big Indian wedding" as I was ever going to be involved in (it was very different to what I would be involved in back in Karachi or when I visited Bangladesh), and between all the events we had some awesome food, live music, dhandia, cocktails, giant prawns, excellent conversation, mad jokes, emotional moments, stargazing, speeches and lots and lots of fun and dossing. And to top it off, everyone looked so good too. Seriously, these were some collectively hot people.

But it's really the inherent happiness-by-default that's infectious here. People seem so simply content that it's easy to become the same in their company and forget about all those little issues (back in the UK) that would otherwise bring your mood down. Furthermore the undeserved attention, generosity and care shown to us all just added to feeling of euphoria. But despite how equally nice everyone was to us, they were all also unique enough to be taken as individuals, be they adult, kids, native or from abroad. So we had the funny ones, the caring ones, the super smart ones and the interesting ones. It was like being in a pick 'n' mix of awesome people and there was always something new about someone new to find out.

Anyway I'm probably embarrassing myself and them by this point. If it's not already clear by now, I think I have a little crush on the extended family I've met here. I wonder if they're looking to adopt? To be honest I'm not looking forward to the crashing withdrawal symptoms when we finally have to leave here.

Arifa and Yusuf

I think the first thing you realise about Arfia is how much of a mixed bag she is. She's obviously highly intelligent, being at the top of her game both at work and during her time at ICSS where I met her. Highly organised and professional, she knows how to manage and get things done. On the other hand it must be her simple Mauritian roots that ensure Arifa is a girl who, perhaps, remains amusingly naive and ignorant about certain other practicalities of life. This was no bad thing; in a world where people are confused by all the noise it was actually refreshing to see someone who was able to filter out all the unnecessary complications.

I suspect that it was this same simple outlook of life which always had Arifa take the role of a woman in a situation - despite having an excellent career (something due to her innate smarts more than drive perhaps), she knew exactly what else she wanted in life and furthermore didn't see it as a weakness to to say so. This is demonstrated by the way she takes care of her friends and family, and more recently by the way she's regressed to a schoolgirl during this, her wedding week. It's quite funny actually, but at the same time more evidence at how good she's going to be at being a wife.

Unlike recent weddings with other friends I actually had a chance to spend some time in the company of the other half of this union. We're staying in the same apartments and so had the opportunity to meet Yusuf's close friends and family outside of a wedding hall. Like their future in-laws they are easily able to balance traditionalism with modernity, knowing when to be serious and when to joke; it's a nice and reassuring environment to be in. But the nicest thing I noticed was how much concern Yusuf had for Arifa's well-being this week, even when it came to things like logistics and wedding planning. Clearly a good sign for the future.

But it's seeing them together that gives the biggest indication of how great this match is. Excuse the soppiness, but it's all so cute and so sweet that you can't help but go "aww" every time you see them. There's no awkwardness here, and it's the little things like the in-jokes and whisperings that demonstrate the friendship that underlies the marriage. They're clearly happy and ultimately that's what counts.

Afifa and Faisal

If we go by Wikipedia's definition, Afifa was pretty much as metaphorically the girl next door as she was literally for my family and me. But apart from fulfilling the cultural image that is imposed on brown girls, she also managed to accomplish everything else too.

So, yes: smarts, wisdom and personality are all in check with Afifa, and when I say she's clever I don't just mean academically - she is one of the few people (guy or girl) who has the ability to stop me dead in my tracks during a debate. I think it's fair to say that she isn't ugly either. In fact, she's ample proof that Spammy's Second is actually a load of tosh.

But it's really her more "everyday" qualities which I find to be the most impressive: her patience, humour and how easy going and welcoming she is. It wasn't long after we first spoke that I was permitted to infiltrate her family and friends, all of whom are equally as ace as she is.

I can't say I know much about Faisal per se but since it usually follows that awesomeness only finds company in awesomeness, I have no doubt that he is in fact awesome. And although his brother's speech tonight was hilarious it was also indicative how solid the values Faisal hold are. And then of course that he gave up his top end sports car for something a little more... domestic post-nuptials is the ultimate sign of love and sacrifice for a woman and something that makes him better than most men ever will be.

Muhtashim and Shaheen

Now sit back ladies and gentleman, for I am about to spin a tale if Internet lore which spans almost a decade as well as half the globe. Not many people know this story, but the time has now come to tell it from the beginning. Its relevance will only become apparent once you reach the end of the story. All names apart from the obvious have been changed to protect the innocent.

It may surprise many of you who are too young to remember, but before blogs and Facebook the main way in which people used to communicate and socially network were web forums. There were more than a fair few about, little pockets of introverted cyber-communities, sometimes come together by chance and sometimes by a common interest. For me, the biggest was Asian Life on the BBC's website. It was here that I came across TDS and FSP (amongst others). Meanwhile in another part of the internet, there was Mash and KWI.

Now KWI and I had become friends before any of this had happened - the particulars of which is a story for another time. But in their international wisdom since Mash and I happened to live in the same country, KWI kept pushing that we should meet. Due to my phobia of meeting people of the Internet whom I hardly knew (and the fact that this was a bald guy from Birmingham as opposed to a hot chick from London), I managed to avoid each and every push to hook up.

But then the great blog movement of 2004 arrived. Now I like to think that I started it all off, but that's probably not true in the general sense. However I certainly was on the cusp of a great migration from forums to blogs as TDS, FSP, KWI and Mash all jumped on the blogging wagon. If I'm totally honest, reading Mash's blog made me even more reluctant to meet a guy who appeared to have some serious issues. Plus I think he had a crush on me.

And what happened next was extraordinary. Networking and cross-pollination on a massive scale, as people quickly became familiar with people they hardly knew all over a single article or comment thread. TDS picked up Mash from my blog (or perhaps it was the other way around). I also believe that TDS was the first to bridge the gap between the UK and South Africa. A couple of blog roll clicks later and it all became a mass orgy of virtual hi fives and back pats. When Mash took the decision to come to London, he leveraged this virtual network to hook up with a few South Africans who were also looking for physical relationships (of the innocent kind, mind). And the rest, as you know, is history.

I was still reluctant to meet Mash. KWI had since given him my number which made dodging him even more difficult. In the end, however, he managed to track me down by figuring out where I'd be at a certain time (there are downsides to being a member of ICSS), but to my astonishment the person I met was completely different to the guy I was expecting. He was actually quite okay, and I soon forgot all the misgivings I had regarding him.

And after a number of various hook-ups, culminating in The Great South African Tour of 2010, I've come to realise that the only person who lost out with my aversion to the whole make quick Internet friends thing was me - well, in this particular case anyway. And now the tables have turned, with him being the one opening doors for me, treating me in a much better way than I ever did him.

The one thing everyone seems to agree on is how real Mash is. He doesn't spin or market who he is depending on who he's talking to, and it's this accessibility and honesty which draws all those around him in. All his other attractive qualities stem from this - his humour, his rudeness and charm and his depth. While others are tackling their internal controls in order to tell others what they think or feel, Mash totally ignores his and says it all anyway.

It's this lack of social bureaucracy that makes him so easy to talk to. Personally He's one of the few people I know who quickly understands what I have to say (whether he agrees with it or not, although it is usually the former), which allows the conversation to progress to a stage further than it would have with other people. Unfortunately this is only in real life - he still can't write for crap.

One of his best qualities however is what I realised while travelling across South Africa with him. He has nothing at all bad to say about people. He was introducing me to around three new people each day, and each were unique, quality, the best. He'd sell his friends, but not in a way some people do by covering up their flaws, but only because he genuinely doesn't see any in the people he chooses to hang with.

Being a bit of a man whore (in a nice way), I'm pretty sure everyone who knew him was taken back - in a happy way mind - when he announced his plans to marry. Of course once we all heard how he spoke about Shaheen (including that Photography story) we all realised how special she was. After meeting her the couple of brief times that I did there wasn't any doubt how suited they were, with Shaheen matching Mash's realness in such a way it wouldn't have made sense if they didn't hook up.

Which brings us to their wedding tonight. There were no tears or hesitation here, just pure certainty and confidence between a couple who knew exactly where they stood with each other. If communication and honesty are things we're repeatedly told are essential in a marriage then in my humble opinion these two have absolutely nothing to worry about.