Saturday, September 23

You're Old, Get Married

With Ramadhan comes Tarawih, a long and relatively popular (in terms of attendance anyway) evening prayer at the mosque. And with Tarawih comes the chance to meet up with some people you've not seen since the same month last year. And with them comes the typical commentary on your life and how it could be so much better. Of course, some of you might get this kind of community involvement every day of your life, but for a family like mine who are usually pretty well insulated Ramadhan is the only opportunity for us to have this kind of fun.

Take the following for example:

Twenty eight? Twenty eight? TWENTY EIGHT?? Beta, just do me one favour: either get married before the year is out, or don't get married at all. Twenty eight! The best and important bits of a marriage are determined at that age. Leave them till later and you'll be in trouble. Twenty eight! Oy!

Alright, yes, I'm paraphrasing a bit, but I'm sure you get the gist. On the face of it, the above is upsetting 'cos it's very fatalistic, pessimistic and threatening, and further seems to be pointing the finger of blame at me, as if I'm rejecting many thousands of decent girls each day. So no, not very nice, fair, or helpful.

But I think what gets me more is that, on some level, I kind of agree with what my dear uncle is saying. Now, no, I'm not saying that I'm old or anything, since age is largely relative and I know of people who have married later and done fine. However (and I think that I've mentioned this before) there are certain hang ups I have due to never having had been in a relationship before - things that may not be resolved if I get married later on, or even immediately now.

See, I think that being young and in love is a unique experience. And I also reckon that it helps with further relationships (whether the same one or others), since it helps you appreciate the different facets of the whole thing. And as those who've known me for years will know, it's also something I've looked forward to and planned for a long time now (but more about that in, ooh, fourteen days or so), so it would be even more difficult for me to let it slide than it would others, possibly to the point where it could have an adverse effect on any relationship of mine that didn't allow it.

However, the groovy in this kind of love is mainly due to having little or no responsibility or stresses while you're in that particular place. This means that, on the bright side, the "young" used above is more figurative than literal and so those who get married later can be as reckless and immature and free as they would have been during their younger days if they wanted to; and since it's not like I act my age in other parts of my life it's totally possible that I could do the same here too.

But there is a sticking point, and that's the question of kids. They're not going to hang around and wait while their future parents chill out and have a laugh, and neither do I want to be an older father. So yes, although the above advice is harsh it's probably very true, and possibly even more so in my case. And while I'm torn between these two ideals of mine the situation doesn't get any better as time goes on. Perhaps I should concentrate on actually finding someone instead of the hypothetical problems that that might present.

4 comments:

  1. Perhaps I should concentrate on actually finding someone instead of the hypothetical problems that that might present.

    easier said then done but yep taht might be more interesting to read

    and the only hang up I have on marrying later in my life is the old body tick tock clock. I'm not a fan of big families, actually I don't paticularly want kids however someday i'm fairly sure I'd like someone to call my own and I wouldn't want to leave it too late either. I'd want to enjoy married life without rushing into parenthood due to these constraints :|

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  2. Just do your own thing. (As I'm sure you are.) If it happens soon, cool. If it happens later, cool. If it doesn't happen, cool. [But in the last case, I'd really be thinking "Loser!!!"]

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  3. Anonymous08:57

    I know guys that are 30-31 and not married...

    I don't get it. I don't want to end up like that

    preferably I want to get hitched ASAP.. but I wouldnt do it for the sake of it.

    but I guess whenever it does happen that is the right tme for you

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