Sunday, October 15

Aligning Priorities

Apparently, I'm unreasonable for thinking that a potential wife that has travelled the world is preferable to one that wasn't allowed to by her parents. This is, of course, because girls shouldn't be allowed gallivanting around the globe unmarried, and so it's a positive thing if their parents didn't allow them to.

So I'm being stubborn and fussy for bringing up this issue and others like it (like not minding her having lived away from home or working in a particular job). The thing some don't quite get is that it's not the actual lack of travelling itself that bothers me (although, quite selfishly, I'd prefer not to revisit some of the places I've been to already), just that they weren't actually allowed to. I think that it's fair to look at the family of a potential partner, and one with this kind of mindset will more than likely have issues with some of the other things I might have to say or do. So it's me that's the problem, not them.

Take the fact that I have quite a few non-Muslim friends. I'm sure some of you will see this as nothing unusual, but already I've been introduced to two girls on the game who had trouble with the concept. "So wait. Do you, like, drink and stuff too?" or "Have you any Muslim friends at all?" are the usual comments, and they find it incredible that I'm able to pray at the houses of my non-Muslim friends too.

I'm not criticising them at all for who they choose to be friends (although I totally prefer to be on this side of the fence), but I'm not going to give up on mine either and will prefer not to leave my partner at home when going out. Oh, and just in case you're wondering I try not to discuss the many-female-friends issue too much.

But these are all trivial things, apparently. I'll never find someone that matches my specifications, so I should stop trying. I shouldn't mind the bits that don't work now; people change, and she'll get used to my quirks and I'll lose all my naughty controversial habits. I should just keep my mouth shut and stick to the things people want to hear; how I pray, how I have a good job, how I respect family. I can slip in the rest once I get my foot in the door. It'll all be bliss after a couple of years.

Snort. Yeh, right. Two things:

  • A) I wouldn't like it if my counterparts "overlooked" things they thought were important to them.
  • B) Hey man, I don't think I need to get my foot in any door.
Interestingly, the same people who tell me all this may also give me prime advice on how I should avoid girls who wear the nikaab, or are too strict, or are "troublemakers"; not that it's a problem for me, but can't these girls "change" too? I wonder if I can marry out of religion or culture too, hoping for this "change"? Of course, if I suggest this then I'm being extreme all of a sudden. I think my point still stands though. I guess that we all have different priorities, though.

I don't think that people change, I think that they compromise. That's not a problem in itself, but if they do this too much and with the principles that mean quite a lot to them, then I reckon that it will take its toll eventually. Surely it's better to work at a relationship with someone who's right for you (on the levels that are important) in the first place?