Thursday, March 27

The Hidden Costs of Searching

I've recently been requested to write a biodata for myself. For those who don't know, a biodata is a document listing your personal details, professional background, interests and sometimes even your own basic requirements for a partner. This is then passed around in the community and used, hopefully, to find a match. Think of it as a curriculum vitae for a marriage instead of a job. Or a pimp sheet. Whatever.

Anyway, I've done all the easy parts: name, education, something about what I do (or at least what I used to do) and am struggling with the others. Can I list blogging as an interest? Uh. And do I actually have any requirements that are defined enough to be written down? This is definitely not an easy task, especially when I'm also being nagged to do it.

In the meantime I have friends (all already hooked up, naturally) having a go at me for not being a paid member of, something which would allow me to contact other members instead of resting on my laurels and waiting for them to contact me. The reasoning is sound of course: the fiver or whatever is a small price to pay for a potential lifetime of happiness. The trivial means totally justifies the end. And then some.

But it's not about the money - heck the same friends have offered to pay for me so I wouldn't be out of pocket myself. But what all these people don't realise is that each of these things - signing up for websites, writing biodata, going to matrimonial events and even meeting potential rishtas through family all have an emotional cost involved.

As each activity chips away at the plan, image or dream you had of how it was all supposed to have happened you start to ask why it's you who have to jump through these hoops when others had made it look so easy, and even more dangerously question whether it's all worth it or not. Okay, so you don't quite feel like a failure or anything, but it's hardly self-validating either.

I never understood how people could "give up" on the whole looking for a partner thing, since I didn't really get this concept of this emotional cost before experiencing it myself. But now, with all the finger pointing, advice (however well intended) and pushiness I suddenly find myself wanting to pack in the whole thing too.

This is obviously an irrational response and hardly helpful in the grand scheme of things, but for me I think it's especially sad since after two years or so of looking I can hardly complain about my experiences as much as others have. In some ways it's much worse than that; I just seem to be becoming bored of the whole thing.

1 comment:

  1. Hi,
    I stumbled upon your blog after googling "complex rishta process" but hey at least us singletons can find solace in the fact that brown parents at least agree on one thing - subjecting their children to excruciating rishta process. We are in dire need to start Rishta's Really Rattle my Cage (RRRC) club - sounds very corporateish.