Wednesday, February 16

Scorecard Research Click for more info

So here's a bit of fun. Well maybe. Let's see how it goes shall we?

The source website does a good job of explaining the methodology behind it all, but the basic gist is that a scientist guy asked a bunch of husbands what they liked and disliked about their wives and collated the most common into a kind of scorecard. But before my female readers stamp and quit their browsers in protest, don't worry, he did the same with women too. I'm sure it's not very scientific and probably horrendously biased but hey, they're worth a look right? Here's the scorecard for a husband:

Here's the personal bit. You see it sounds wet and maybe a little creepy, but it was lists like these (perhaps not literally) that I've personally used to develop what I expect from myself. And indeed I like to think that I've covered most of the points on the scorecard or will do once they become relevant. Some of my friends are quite amused at how I still call home to say I'm running late or will be eating out, even more so when they realise it's a want and not a need. And I say thank you to whoever happened to cook me dinner, be they family or friends, and it doesn't feel odd to do so. Oh and yes, I fully expect my wife to spend more of any money I earn, irrespective of whether she has her own income or not (and no, I'm not counting grocery shopping money).

Then again although I don't think I snore at the moment, I hear it's something that may come with age. That's a bit out of my control, but then I'm happy to sleep in the spare room if it's really bad. Oh and fine I guess the top demerit might be a struggle, but I'd certainly try.

Am I doing too much? I'm not sure. Without putting myself too high on a pedestal I think these tasks are trivial and easy to achieve for someone who's main goal is to be a decent husband and father. Of course basing the implementation of that goal on statistics and anecdotal evidence is rife with problems (in that it doesn't allow the possibility of my wife being, I dunno, an individual), but I like to think I can adapt too.

None of this is new or a secret though, and I repeatedly go on public record, not only on this blog (and sometimes even to rishta during later stages) to claim this stuff - the most powerful way for me to hold myself to it is to make it visible. Of course I could be saying to much in my naivety; not that I believe I'll be taken advantage of (although don't think I didn't see your eyes light up when I mentioned money, above), but more because it does set the bar high. Either I will fulfill them completely, renege on some of them or crash and burn trying. I like to think the odds are in my favour though.

But enough about me. Let's talk about the other side. Don't worry, I won't be too harsh. Here's the scorecard:

Of course, this is all my personal experience, but I can only think of five single women I've ever met (as a rishta or otherwise), who would explicitly say that they are even willing to just try to address all these points, be it willingly or as part of a compromise. For the others, it's not the merits and demerits themselves they have an issue with, but more that they're expected - it's some kind of control thing I guess, or perhaps pride: "take me as I am or not at all". Heck, question a girl's use of nail colour and you'll be on the receiving end of a lecture on women's rights, the freedom of an individual and how girls dress for themselves anyway and so it wouldn't be the concern of a partner anyway. But to be fair, I can only really think of a similar number of men willing to do this too; so if anything we're all pretty rubbish.

Even more concerns are apparent if we dig a little deeper. If someone does try their best to model themselves around the expectations placed on them by their opposite, are they even appreciated? Do they need to be? Are fulfilled expectations the bare minimum or generous bonuses? Does someone need to go first before it's reciprocated? Should reciprocation be expected at all?

But as usual this isn't about who's right or who's wrong but more about the old chestnut of individuality and personal preferences. If anything this is just more proof of how I actually do belong in the 30s. But here's the gyp: if we were to imagine a modern set of these scorecards, I do wonder how many men versus women would explicitly say they're willing to fulfil these things for another, even if that's before having met them. I know what I would expect the results to be (and I'm sure I don't have to spell them out here), but then I'm probably as horrendously biased as George Crane was.

Either way, I suspect the absolute numbers in either gender is pretty low. It's almost as if no one actually wants someone they like enough to change themselves for.

Many thanks to Farah, who happens to be a girl who doesn't wear red nail polish, for the link.

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