Korea-Japan, Day Three: The DMZ

Today we got all real and went to the Demilitarised Zone, the 2km wide buffer between North and South Korea. To be honest the history and story behind the border as told by our guide was more fascinating than the wire fence (the North and South are still at war apparently) but the sense of scale was pretty tremendous, perhaps more so than other contentious borders I've been to.

A cool part of the trip was visiting one of the three underground tunnels to the South dug by the North during their attempt at invading Seoul. It's probably a bit of a cliche, but you could almost visualise the armed forced sneaking in for an attack - we were allowed to go pretty deep into the tunnel, and not far off from the border proper. Apparently there's many more tunnels still around, laying undiscovered.

During the morning session we were also taken to Dorasan International, the northmost station in South Korea. This would be where South Korea would be linked by rail to the rest of Asia and even Europe, and although there is a railway it leads to nowhere at the moment.

After lunch we were taken to the Joint Security Area or Panmunjeom. This is the only place along the border where there isn't a 4km wide buffer zone - in other words we were able to come face to face with North Korea. It was pretty weird seeing North Korean guards checking us out with their binoculars (and sometimes hiding behind pillars while they did so).

In the centre of the JSA is a negotiation room and inside that a table which straddled the border (BSG fans: it was a bit like that negotiation station in the http://www.radioshak.co.uk/2008/11/pakistan-day-seven-coming-home-kinda.htmlery first episode). We had free access to this room, and so were effectively able to hop back and forth across the border too. Other interesting sites included the "Bridge of no Return", as depicted in Die Another Day.

After returning to the capital we headed to the N Seoul Tower to check out views of the city. It was quite electric at night, although it did make me realise how small the place was.

The temperature dropped today. It was freezing.

Korea-Japan, Day Two: Surfing Seoul

Today was about being a tourist and leaning on our guidebooks. As such we clocked up the Gyeongbokgung and Changdeokgung Palaces, took a walk down Insa Dong, passing by the Cheonggyecheon Stream at the end. Toward the evening we checked out the Samsung D'Light building where the company had on show their current and future products. To be honest I was kinda underwhelmed; it seems that technology is a bit more global now, and there wasn't anything futuristic or amazing to see there. We did try to make our way to the river but we aborted as it turned out being further than we expected.

We got a good feel of Korea and its capital today. The Koreans are a nice enough bunch, although they do seem to walk a bit funny. And they totally don't respect the usual food conventions that I'm used to in the west. Yes, that's right, their seafood pizza has meat in it. Still, at least the place was kind enough to make me another one.

Korea-Japan, Day One: Arrival

The problem with travelling west is that not only do you spend time flying, but you also lose hours crossing time zones. So, despite us taking off at 8pm or so last night, we finally managed to reach Myeong Dong and check into our hotel at around 6pm. A whole day killed in transit.

Still we had the evening to walk about Myeong Dong, taking in the various stores and street markets, checking out the food for sale and the people passing by. After grabbing dinner we decided to hit the sack in a vain attempt to wipe out any lag.

It didn't work.

Snippet

Shak says (16:35):
    well obv
    it depends on who pays more!
xxxx says (16:36):
    hah
    i guess
    cos we poor
    but when you rich
    say the bids were 100 and 120
xxxx says (16:37):
    and you feel the guy bidding 100 would do a better job making it succesful
    if you REALLY cared about it ... you'd go with 100 instead of 120
Shak says (16:37):
    hey man
    like ive always side
    said
xxxx says (16:37):
    obv you a merc
Shak says (16:37):
    this is just work
xxxx says (16:37):
    just in it for the money
Shak says (16:37):
    i dont have all these "passions" others do
    if i did....
    i'd become an artist
    or a poet
xxxx says (16:37):
    ngapls

New Music

Juthi (Ravi Bal Mix) - Surjit Khan

Old, but still going strong. I think it's a bit cheeky calling it a remix though seeing how most mainstream tracks from the genre sound like it.

Tere Liye - Prince

And Atif's selling out to Bollywood continues. Not that I care if it means more of this kind of stuff.

Film: Green Zone

It's Modern Warfare! But in a film!

This alone makes Green Zone great, but along with that we also have a solid and engaging plot, some super acting and plenty of cracking action all coming together in a pretty decent flick.

Without spoiling the film too much, it was also surprising to see just how much they got away with in terms of theorising about the Iraq war and WMDs. I don't think such a film could have been made even two years ago.

Really good stuff and totally recommended.

Link of the Day

A generation of women bred to work

I know I promised you all not to revisit this topic... but to be frank I couldn't resist being vindicated yet again (and that by a woman, yet again). For your reference I give you this and this. You know, sometimes I wonder if these journos read our blogs just to rip them off.

Thanks to Mash for originally tweeting the link.

Game: Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation (360)

Like most other boys growing up, I wanted to be a fighter pilot (quit laughing at the back please). Of course also being Pakistani meant that this was never going to happen, either due a lack of knowing how or real inclination. Instead I used to pretend to fly around outside, either on the street or in the park, locking on bogeys bad-guys (other pedestrians) and other destroyables. Later on, I played arcade fighter games, starting with the seminal Afterburner all the way to this the sixth in Namco's Ace Combat series.

In fact Ace Combat was the first game I bought for my 360, even thought I'm only playing it now, two years later. Reviews were luke-warm, but the promise of arcade style dogfighting was enough to buy me over and I'm happy to say AC6 delivers on all fronts.

That's not to say I'm any kind of fighter pilot expert; I don't know the difference between an F16 and F18, I can't name the size of the bullets that go into a Vulcan cannon (if that's what they actually call them). But that's okay 'cos AC6 is so accessible you don't have to worry about the complex stuff; this is all about simple but effective controls, locking on with missles and just letting the game do most of the hard work.

Graphics and style are pretty good, with the gamer being treated to a series of irrelevant, yet pretty engaging, cut-scenes throughout. Complex game elements like operations and sub-missions are easy to manage, especially after being taught to by the built in tutorial system.

Maybe I'm biased, but I really like AC6. Anything that stops me pretending to be a plane in public must be a good thing after all.

Film: Alice in Wonderland

Classic Tim Burton madcappedness as he retells the classic story of Alice and her Wonderland. It's all you would have expected having read the books and seen other films by the weirdo director, so it's pointless my trying to add anything in a review.

The 3D was above average and the action adequate, while the special effects left much to be desired; think Christmas weekend television special and you'll know what I mean. Still, it doesn't spoil the film too much.

Overall Alice is pretty good fun and worth a watch. Just don't go expecting a classic.

A Distinct Lack Of Ambition

Our wonderful English teacher Mr Adams once handed us a classtime assignment, something about us having to write about how we imagined our adult lives to be. While everyone around me talked about being doctors and architects, driving in fast cars and living in fancy houses, mine was pretty staid: I wanted a terraced three bedroom house in a suburb with a four door hatchback parked on the street outside and a 9-5, Monday-Friday desk job.

Mr Adams, as awesome as he was, rejected my submission. Apparently the work was an exercise in creativity, ambition and imagination and mine didn't quite have enough of any of that. I argued that for me it fulfilled the set criteria, that it was precisely what I wanted and what would make me happy, but after realising that wasn't the point I relented and rewrote my piece, this time writing about yachts and mansions made out of gold. As an aside, I think that was when I learned how important it was to answer the question that was being posed, rather than the one I wanted to, a realisation that put me in good stead academically for years to come.

Back to the point though: looking at my home it was clear where I had gotten this simplistic attitude from. Like most other immigrant or partially immigrant families back then, mine as a whole wasn't an extremely ambitious one; having a good, stable job and owning a home was more than others managed to accomplish, particularly since it was my father who had come to this country to marry rather than the other way around (assuming we're sticking to traditional roles, I figure it's harder for a immigrant husband to establish himself than a wife). We weren't really known for anything in particular and weren't at the forefront of society or community. We did participate - my mum used to come on school trips and mix with the other mothers, and we were regulars at the local mosque and stuff, but nothing more than that.

We didn't go out much, and when we did it was as a family to the houses of other families. Our hobbies consisted of watching TV and movies together, while regular holidays were mainly to the exotic land of Pakistan (although we did go to Paris once). We drove various Nissans and hadn't even heard of Mercedes or other brands (I suspect the biggest brand in our house at the time was Sky TV). We didn't read poetry or appreciate art or create music; culture largely consisted of following the Top 40 each Sunday and, sometimes, Eastenders.

But we were happy and comfortable. Moreover we knew we were, which might explain why we didn't really need much else.

This ability to know what made us happy was pivotal in any family decision we made. So for example my father would decline quite big career changing opportunities if it meant displacing or him having to be away from his family. He didn't need more money or status since what he already had was enough for his family (and I'm not talking about the poverty line here, we were lucky enough to have anything we wanted; we just didn't want much). On the other hand my mum raised and fed us while making sure our house was clean and homely - her way of enabling her family as my dad enabled his. It was hardly thrilling or exciting and perhaps not even challenging for either of them, but they made their personal goals about other people rather than themselves. For some reason it was enough.

And it really was. Despite not having any impressive achievements to list on their personal CVs, I did see how we as a family were much happier than quite a few of the others around us. We never seemed to have any of those personal or dark problems other families had (with debt or family politics or even crime), we were never preoccupied with chasing money or status or careers and had no need or desire to go on exotic holidays to Turkey (we enjoyed Pakistan way too much). It was amazingly boring yet we were more content with our lot than others seemed to be with theirs.

I guess it was this attitude that disassociated the concepts of ambition and success, something that was aptly demonstrated in that particular piece of English work I did. But for me it didn't end there: just take my education for example. For my parents it was never about us kids getting straight As or going to prestigious grammar schools but more about us being happy while studying. I picked a degree which provided the fastest route to financial security for the wife I was yet to find and the kids I was yet to have - IT offered high pay for little effort, unlike subjects like medicine or law which required long hours or a long term commitment, things I found as obstacles to my real goals of family and home building. I had never even touched a PC to program it before university, so Computing was hardly a deep rooted passion for me.

Even now we each ensure that we have these boring yet sensible things in place: health, savings, qualifications, credibility and even a decent credit rating - all things which we see as contributors to well-being and stability. Even when I quit an (at the time) extremely stable job in finance, it was to start a business that would at a minimum contribute to my CV. My change of career was more to do with leveraging my current situation than chasing a dream of success or fame; I've always maintained that as much as I'm enjoying what I'm currently doing I would immediately drop it for a job - any job - if my position happens to change. Decisions like not taking a graduate job at an investment bank, declining places at grammar schools or quitting my hedge fund were easy to make and instantly rewarding for me, while others looked on as if I was crazy for taking such massive risks.

That wasn't to say that we don't appreciate success and status. I'm sure my parents would have bragged about me being a doctor as much as any other parent would, and I wouldn't say no to being able to drive a sports car around or flying first class. But we as a family realised that these things alone wouldn't make us happy. The same goes for things like travel and socialising; rather than necessities which I think are obligatory I see them as luxurious bonuses which can easily be discarded with little effect on my happiness.

Without this impetus to visibly succeed we were also never bothered about proving ourselves and were completely secure in who we were. Self-worth was thus established via internal and hidden processes that we decided rather than external and visible ones quantified by those around us. The upside of this was that it was easy for us to find maximum happiness without relying on anyone or anything else while the drawback was that we might not have yet reached our full potential according to society. Yet paradoxically despite that material successes did come: I did get good grades and jobs, we did travel and enjoy a decent standard of living. I mean hey, make no mistake here: I fully acknowledge all of our achievements and experiences and am grateful that we were blessed with each and every one of them, even if we didn't require them.

I guess some could (and do) say that we as a family aimed quite low - whether that's true or not I don't know, but we're not currently driving any fancy German cars - but I will say that judging by where we are now we succeeded in achieving what we really want in a way very few the more typically ambitious people do. Of course on the flip side I could just be taking for granted the relative success that we have found ourselves in, be it due to luck or hard work or whatever. Maybe we've just simply not had the same obstacles that others have had and have therefore not had to tackle them?

But it's not really about the lack of ambition or drive but more that the priority for my parents, and in turn us, their children, wasn't to be a director or PhD or someone who had seen the world or written books on Islamic philosophy (heck, I have a blog for that), but to ensure the happiness of those around them in the best way that they could manage; anything else would be a rare, but appreciated, bonus. Of course this in itself doesn't preclude an exciting and ambitious life, although looking around now I don't see many who manage to have both fully, even if they claim to. In fact sometimes I struggle to understand the price some people pay, be it willingly or not, to achieve what they think they want to: friends, family, homes and ironically even their happiness all take a backseat for something they think instead will make them content, but rarely does. This isn't about aiming low in order to increase the chance of succeeding in everything you plan, but more about not requiring ever more in order to be happy, and not feeling incomplete when you find out that, as a human, you can't do or have everything.

So I'd say that my family and I are as ambitious as the rest, but just in a different way and with different goals. Perhaps we don't take a happy family and warm home for granted and see that it takes effort; as much effort and focus (if not more) than a job would. I saw this in the sweat of my parents are they lived out their boring and domestic life how much hard work it is, be it the rat race for my dad or domestic chores for my mum or even us kids having to study hard. But just like with a career it was this hard work which brought with it the same reward others seemed to only get from work. In that sense I'd say that we are quite lucky.

Amusingly I have been challenged a few times on this attitude of mine; at best I'm being lazy and at worst selfish as I'm not fulfilling my (possibly Islamic) duty to contribute to the world and make it a better place. With respect to laziness, personally I just think I'm lucky in that I don't really need much to feel happy and fulfilled. To develop or evolve are a means to an end for me, and not goals in themselves. In fact I'd say its the less sexy things which take priority over the quite modern concepts of personal fulfilment and enjoyment. I'd even say that an explicit die-hard chase for success indicates that one may not realise that all we attain actually comes from God, and not ourselves, in the first place. And although it's not in the scope of this post to determine whether a desire is worldly or not, I do personally think that a lot of things typically pursued with ambition are short term goals; and that includes careers.

As for contributions, well my input to the world may not be as explicit as others but that doesn't mean that it's not there. I just don't seem to have that overwhelming need to explicitly add value or contribute - the extent of my political involvement ends at voting (something we as a family have always done). In fact I'd say in the long run living a personal and self-involved yet righteous and happy life is a much more effective way to add value to and better society than becoming a Member of Parliament or even starting the more grassroot projects like a local charity.

That's not to say I see ambition as a bad thing. In fact I'm quite impressed by the drive some people have to establish businesses or projects, or those who become really good at an extra-curricular hobby or pasttime - but only provided it doesn't get in the way of what's important. I'm not sure I can claim to have such a drive, and I always struggle to list stuff under "hobbies and interests" mainly because I usually don't have more than a passing or incidental interest in the things I happen to do.

It's also important to note that it's not just about chasing money either. In fact it's sometimes the lack of a financial incentive which fools some into thinking their ambition is well placed. That's not to say it necessarily isn't, but I would suggest that more noble passions like volunteering, studying, art and culture or even religion can be a distraction to what's really important to someone. Why can't we enjoy a night in watching X-Factor just as much as a night out at the theatre? Why do we only feel intellectually validated only after we've attended a well marketed class or talk? Why do we need to drag our babies and young children to Egypt when they would just as much (or even more so) enjoy a trip to the seaside? Why are exotic Rumi quotes the only way we're able to express how we feel to others on our Facebook statuses or Twitter feeds? Why do we need fancy clothes in order to look good? Why does food at a restaurant only taste good if we've paid over 20 quid for it? It quite depresses me that I've not been to a Pizza Hut in years solely because no one thinks it's cool enough to want to go with me. Like Pizza Express is any more classy.

Why do some things hold more of a perceived value just because we're told they do?

But why does such a topic deserve such a lengthy post? Well in my case it seems to be this lack of ambition which most contributes to the conclusion of incompatibility myself and a potential rishta settle on. It's not that anyone has incorrect or wrong priorities, but I feel what drives someone has to match or at least be understood and supported by a partner for a marriage to be successful. And if a potential rishta lists being a partner or having her own business or even travelling the world as life goals with not even a single mention of a family or how it would be a part of them, well let's just say it becomes a bit of a barrier - partly because it's not what I want, but mostly because I wouldn't be sure enough of being able to provide her with what she says she needs to keep her happy.

Unfortunately (for me, not them) the vast majority of women I meet demonstrate this attitude, while seeing what I explicitly say I want as a silent inevitability or even triviality. You see, I wasn't the only one who was berated by a teacher for not aiming high. Girls who said that they just wanted babies and take care of a home and family were being told at school (and ironically sometimes even at home by peers who didn't appreciate the beauty and strength of their own simple way of living) that this was nowhere near high enough an aim; that these things would all come in time anyway and so existing efforts would be better directed elsewhere instead. This advice (as well as those to their guy counterparts) sometimes had the double whammy of making some strive for these other, grander, things in life, as well as later making them feel like discontent failures if they weren't achieved.

Judging by the people I meet I will say that my family and I are in a pretty tiny minority especially when you consider the Asian Muslim community as a whole. I won't even attempt to explain it but I do sometimes wonder why we don't have the incessant need to achieve and possibly even prove ourselves that our peers do. And even when I find that I can't answer that question I'm always thankful that, for us, happiness and contentment has always been so easily and boringly attainable.

Originally drafted 1st of July 2009

Film: Valentine's Day

I love films with multiple story arcs. I also kinda like (yeah, alright: like a lot) romcoms, so I had high expectations for Valentine's Day; the cast alone indicated that this could finally replace Love, Actually's place as the romcom-with-multiple-arcs champion.

But as good as VD (snigger) was, it wasn't quite good enough. For sure this was purely due to it's lack of technical prowess; it lacked a certain quality, polish and sophistication that its peers have in abundance and a lot of the cast seemed to consider themselves as supporting with no one really taking the lead.

This lack of care is unfortunate since the premise itself was ace - enough to save this film anyway. It had tons of charm and feel-good-factor and plenty of laugh out loud as well as poignant "awwe" moments. It never quite reaches genius level though and I was ultimately left feeling a tad disappointed. Since that's almost certainly due to my own bias of expectation I'll still recommend this film as one that's worth watching.

As a final note I'm sure some of you are wondering whether or not I actually went to see this on my own. Well I'm happy (and sad) to say that I did; not only that but I went to Ilford too. And amazingly I wasn't the only single loser guy there either.

No I didn't hook up with him. Gosh, you guys are so predictable.

Snippet

xxxx says (14:30):
    this one supposed to let you train harder as well
xxxx says (14:31):
    can push your muscles more
Shak says (14:43):
    good stuff
    ive.... accepted that i'll never be big big
    ill stick to slim and toned :D
    although now im not running maybe ill just be fat

The Roding Valley Half Marathon 2010

Although my running partner and I had planned on making this local run our basis for the year's training, I happened to miss the last two for one reason or another. In fact, the last time I participated was way back in 2007; I managed to complete the course in just over 2 hours, which I felt was quite disappointing since my PB for the race, obtained in 2004 while training for a full blown marathon, is a poignantly impressive 1:33. Although I had accepted that I would never reasonably get such a time again (unless I was training for a marathon - something which I don't quite think will happen) I did think I had a better time in me. This year my main objective was to demonstrate that, as I set myself a target of a sub-1:50 time (or a 8:40 min/mile pace)

To be honest I kinda failed before I started. The wedding food yesterday probably didn't help, as was the relatively late night I had. All of the carbs I stuffed myself with at 10pm probably went straight to my gut, and to top it off I didn't have much water throughout the day either. Oh dear. But hey, at least it couldn't get any worse - I was even still confident about my time.

I was proven wrong this morning as all the runners woke up to some horrendous conditions; rain and wind were both forecast but I didn't really believe that it would happen until I saw it. I think it was then that I reassessed my time: I would now be happy with anything under two hours.

I found the race hard. Perhaps it was the weather (and the extra weight added by our drenched clothing), but almost from the get go I felt like I was jogging in mud while dragging a cart or something. Although this wasn't too much of a problem for the first half or so of the course, it began to take its toll later on; I haven't looked that the numbers properly but it felt like I had quite a few of the 13 miles were had in over ten minutes. As expected, my left knee gave out at around the ten mile mark, just like it had been promising to during training, although mercifully after a few yards I seem to have forgotten all about it - as I type now, I am concerned about it though. Generally you can tell how well a race is going by your state of mind and emotional wellbeing while running and I recall stuff becoming a bit cloudy toward the end, something I've not really experienced since the Flora in 2004.

However despite my bad feelings during the race I did manage to come in under my two hour target, although not by much. According to my timekeeping I completed 13.38 miles in 1:58:26, a pace of 8:51 min/miles. Considering the conditions I see this as a vast improvement over 2007, and will even go to say that I reckon I would have beaten 1:50 under better circumstances.

So a personal win then? Well not quite. You see I decided a few months ago that the RVHM 2010 would actually be my last long road race. My knee is actually beginning to become a quite serious concern, and for me the loss of everyday mobility isn't really worth the other benefits (including the enjoyment) road running brings. Maybe it's the lack of time I can dedicate to the activity (I only really run once a week); personally I think I'm just getting old and the whole thing is beginning to (or already has) catch up with me.

This doesn't mean I'll end running altogether - I'll still be taking part in various 5k runs and the like, but I will stop my regular running and hopefully replace it with another activity. The two candidates for this are cycling and swimming, but considering my proficiency in the former I think I'll be hitting a pool pretty soon.

EDIT: My time as recorded by the organisers was 1:58.37, ranked 492.

Sofia and Amir

Since I think it's inappropriate to link to any YouTube footage there might be of me and Sofs (it's nothing bad. Well, not in the ethical sense anyway), I won't. It's a shame though since that one video kinda sums up the kind of girl Sofia is. Crazy, but in a good, balanced and essential way. It's true though, since only someone as secure as Sofia could do what she did.

Apart from her utter lack of any self-respect, I'd say that Sofs is as model as a woman can get really. For example unlike many other women (or even men) who think that they can balance work and home responsibilities easily Sofia manages to do so without compromise, rubber gloves and all. But that's not to say she was some kind of workaholic and housework obsessed freak; oh no, since she's also the type to make time for her mates be it for fun or even to get involved in projects (like this TV thing she once did. I'm not sure I've mentioned that yet).

But the biggest quality I really like about Sofia is her approachability. She is one of the girls, she is one of the lads, you can talk to her about important and deep stuff as well as waste hours on more trivial trash talk. She'd hold to her opinions with womanly strength, yet I would never describe her as an unapologetic feminist. Oh yes, and she's funny too (at the cost of herself as well as others), something which probably stems from her lack of pride.

Since I've only met Amir once, and that was on the stage today, I can't really say much about him. Anyone who found that video to be attractive rather than a turn off must be a perfect fit for Sofia though; and if anything his sheer size will come in handy in keeping his missus in check.

It was wonderful seeing them celebrate their marriage today (and probably the only time we'll ever see Sofia tarted up as she was), and I wish them both all the happiness they both rightfully deserve.

A Month of Purdah

I've spoken before about how the lack of any sisters or girl (first-)cousins may have affected how I view women generally, but one of the more obvious effects seems to be a slight preference to making as many girl mates as I can - a classic case of over-compensating perhaps. I've always seen this as a good and valuable thing though: not only are my girl mates good to go to for general girly opinion, I also figure that if I maintained mixed social groups then it would be easier for my eventual partner to join me when I'd want to see them. I don't really have groups of exclusively-guy friends; in fact I quietly shudder each time I'm invited to participate in a sausage-fest and I don't expect to want to go out partying or whatever without my other half in tow and so having girl mates around would've made the whole thing a bit easier.

But despite the place women have in my circles of friends, I've always been careful about compartmentalising these relationships. For example, I will very rarely talk to them on the phone for extended periods of time (I become uncomfortable with anything over five minutes and have been known to kill quite a few conversations that way). I also avoid going out with a girl mate on a one-on-one basis, a policy which I feel unreasonably surprises even those who have known me for years; but barring a few exceptions (if they're a potential rishta, if I have to for work or a worthy/religious reason, or that it'd be detrimental to both of us if we didn't) it's true. It's not that I feel I can't control myself emotionally or physically (I'm quite the tactile guy actually), I just don't feel that it's right.

So when a (guy) friend of mine challenged a few of us to stop socialising with our girl mates for three months, I didn't have to change much really. The theory goes something like this: by having so many girl mates, I may be unknowingly relying on them for the certain things I should be looking for in a potential partner. This is nothing seedy, but more the everyday things like conversation and companionship, and by taking this reliance away I'll start looking for it in potential partners instead (in short, desperation will open my eyes to new possibilities). As an aside this might also stop one of us from leading anyone on or sending the wrong signals (not that I'd ever presume I have any kind of effect on women other than one of disgust, but hey, it's a semi-worthy reason anyway).

On the basis of what I've written above I don't think that this is particularly true in my case, but I thought it was worth a shot anyway. After all, if a (not so) similar exercise in self restraint worked for Gandhi, then maybe it'll change me for the better too?

So what have I needed to change? Well I seem to go out less since most of the gatherings I'm invited to are with mixed groups; but to be honest I've not missed the socialising as much as I thought I would. On the few occasions when I have gone out for dinner or whatever it's been with just guys, and that hasn't been as difficult as I thought it'd be. And finally I'm spending more time both in and out of the house with family doing the things I would normally do with friends (like dinners or cinema).

With regards to other types of communication I've never really been a phone person anyway and emails, commenting on blogs, IM and social networking are all pretty easy to control; although I do always take the time to explain to those I usually communicate with (all of whom I still consider to be my friends) as to why I've stopped. I seem to have irritated a couple, a perfectly reasonable reaction which although flattering is unfortunate, but most seem to understand and support what I've been asked to do.

I've even started watching football (well fifteen minutes of one match) instead of romcoms (although I am considering going to watch Valentine's Day on my own if I can't find some guys to go with). I have slipped up a few times and fallen into prohibitive behaviour (again, nothing seedy, but just against the ethos of this particular task), but on the whole I'm keeping to what's been asked of me.

To be honest it's not yet changed how I approach rishtas, and I don't think it'll directly affect any chances of me getting married any time soon either. But that's not to say that there aren't any other, possibly unintended benefits of doing this. For example, it's a good demonstration to others (including potentials) that I'm willing, able and am even looking forward to changing quite big things in my life for the purposes of marriage, or that I'm not looking for someone with whom to share my existing life with but for someone with whom I can create a brand new one. Staying in more might also indicate the kind of life I want to live in the long term, instead of apparently misrepresenting myself as someone who is outgoing and will always want an active social life.

In this sense doing this could serve as a good sign to others of both what I'm looking for and what think is important - more than any conversation or blog post might do. I mean to put it bluntly, if I'm looking for a traditional wife then it makes sense that I start to live a more traditional lifestyle myself. I do think I could have waited till after marriage to make some of these changes, but there's no harm in starting now.

Anyway: one month down, two to go.

Film: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief

It's Harry Potter! But a bit older and American maybe. Other than that it's the same coming-of-age-omg-I'm-a-demigod shindigs we've come to expect over the last decade or so.

But despite it's lack of an original premise, Percy Jackson is pretty good. Of course it's helped along by Greek Mythology (always a good thing) and a charming cast, but at this stage any bonuses are welcome.

All in all a bit shallow but entertaining all the same, I'd give this a go if you're into Olympus lore or just plain looking for a bit of fun and adventure. Recommended.

Snippet

xxxx says (08:51):
    waaah
    cheryl is single
Shak says (08:55):
    awesome
Shak says (08:56):
    she's... so pretty
xxxx says (08:56):
    tis makeup
    have seen her without
    looks avg
xxxx says (08:57):
    and she too thin recently
Shak says (08:57):
    avg is still better than most
xxxx says (08:57):
    avg ... is avg!
Shak says (08:57):
    well okay, obv not most

Game: Crysis (PC)

Sure I'm a bit late, but I always had this, the game that redefined so many aspects of the modern FPS, on my videogame playlist. Crysis was infamous for making even the most powerful of PCs cry, and even now it'll take quite a beefy setup to play the game at a decent framerate and quality.

But anyone can make a good looking game. Crysis was also acclaimed for advancing FPS shooters out of what was considered an tired and unoriginal genre lacking in innovation. With so much going for it, when I actually got to play the game, I was actually a bit puzzled as to what all the fuss was about.

I mean sure, no doubt, the game looks good. And the whole deal with the nano-suit makes for some interesting gameplay: strength, speed and armour can all be (temporarily and exclusively) increased, and you can even turn invisible! But not for long, as they all eat into your suit's rechargeable battery. Although limiting at first, you learn to adapt to this major shortcoming and before you know it you're switching between modes like it's second nature to do so. However this multi-dimensional gameplay comes at a cost: my poor fingers are still hurting after having to cover so many buttons on the keyboard.

The story is engaging, if a bit slow burning. It revolves around some kind of alien artefact found in Korea, but in the main it's just you trying to get to point A without being detected (or killing those who do).

Unlike the Call of Duty games (which I seem to adore), Crysis relies less on scripting awesome set pieces and more on allowing you free reign on how you wish to complete an objective. Be quiet and sneak in or kill everyone nosily, the choice is yours. As novel as this is, I find having to do the same set pieces over and over again a bit boring and even tiresome; once you master the suit it's all pretty easy and so becomes more of a chore than a joy.

Which is probably why I can't really see the fuss with this game, ironically despite seeing how amazing it is. Yes the suit is cool, but it's a pain to use. Yes the story is engaging, but it's a bit too slow. Yes the gameplay is innovative and ambitious in its scope, but what's the point if you're just going to headshoot everyone? And yes it looks good... but who cares about that after a while?

Perhaps I've just come to the game too late; it is over two years old after all. Or perhaps I just don't enjoy FPS's enough to appreciate properly the things that make Crysis great; it's a bit like GTA in that sense: an obviously brilliant demonstration of design and technology, all the while being something I just don't see the gaming value in.

Snippet

Shak says (12:24):
    oooh
    the euro millionaaire winners
    tehyre not married
    wicked
xxxx says (12:25):
    yeah man
    they'll just split the money
    and get fit partners
Shak says (12:25):
    win-win
xxxx says (12:25):
    fosho

Link of the Day

polar r sin t *sqrt abs cos t/sin t 7/5 -2*sin t 2

Well, of yesterday, but hey, it's cool. Thanks to Steve of all people.

The Annual Inevitably Cynical "I Hate Valentine's" Post

The irony, of course, is that I didn't think I'd have to write one of these this year. "2010 will be the year I'll finally put up that backtrack I've been desperate to post for the past fifteen years" I told myself last time around. Still, to be fair I had said the exact same thing in 2008, and have it in the back of my mind even now as I write this.

Virtual self-mutilation aside though I do seem to have made it through a bit of mind-shift since last Valentine's: up until last year I did still hold onto the image of being finally able to do partake in rituals like this with a partner post-marriage, but something seems to have changed over the past 12 months. Not in a sad or despairing way, but more in a "I now want different, perhaps more practical, things in life and anything else will be a bonus". I guess between acknowledging my age and realising what I really want at this point in my life (clue: it's not very exciting), I've finally been able to let go of some of the things I had missed out on which I had wanted to experience, and accept that it just may not happen in that particular way.

Cynical enough or just plain depressing? Apologies if it's the latter; I hope the following will make up for it:

Film: My Name Is Khan

I have to admit that toward the start of My Name Is Khan I cringed a bit. Not because of what I was feeling myself, but in sympathy for the hundreds (if not, thousands) of fans who had real life experience with Asperger's each of whom must have been thinking how wrong the film had gotten it. Heck I don't know much about the syndrome, yet even I could see the artistic licence used in the film.

But despite this blatant exploitation of Khan's (the character) built in innocence and naivete (apparently only a Muslim with Asperger's can be so honest and moving), the film does actually manage to get away with it. In spades.

Add to that Khan (that actor) and Kajol's existing heritage and chemistry and what you end up with is a film that keeps a lump in your throat for most of its runtime. Yes, it got carried away a bit (but never got silly), yes there was bags of drama (but none of it unnecessary) and yes it was a bit cheap at times (but forgivably so), but none of that mattered by the time the end credits rolled.

All the technicals were there: apart from a couple of scenes (in Georgia) the film was well produced and shot, the script funny and well acted out by both the main and supporting casts.

So no, I'd hardly call this a life changing piece of art that will change the world, heal relations between Hindus and Muslims or speed up the US withdrawal from Iraq... but as a Bollywood flick starring SRK and Kajol and directed by Johar it certainly didn't disappoint. I loved it.

Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (PC)

I'd say that COD4: Modern Warfare was the game that finally taught me what all these war FPSs were about: short, episodic, story-led gaming, accessible for gamers of all levels. Despite my initial misgivings about the first game, after completing it I found that I enjoyed it quite a bit.

This reassessment is relevant here because MW2 is, as expected, more of the same. Yet somehow it's not as exciting as the first - although there are plenty of set-pieces none seem to quite hit the mark. Where this does fare better than the first game is on a holistic level, with actions being taken by people across the globe tying up to further the simple, yet quite engaging, plot.

For those of you who, like me, don't have the sharpshooter skills you used to (or not in my case), MW2 is a pleasure to play - it gives you the chance to enjoy more than just killing and headshotting (fun as the latter might be), with a difficulty curve which makes it more accessible than unforgiving.

Video of the Day

Louis CK on Conan last year:



Before you pat yourself on the back and claim how so right this guy is, take a step back and ask yourself whether or not you're exactly the person he's talking about, and then, if you'd be willing to give up all the modern things you otherwise say you can't live without for a return to the good old days you yearn for.

Traditionalism is making a comeback, guys. And as a simple and backward guy I just can't wait.

Nicked off of Kia's Twitter.

New Music

Dilrubaon Ke Jalwe - Dulha Mil Gaya

A bit of a poor man's Kajra Re, this is a fun and flirty track nonetheless. Keep an ear out for Indian Idol's Monali Thakur (who I think actually makes the track).

Jee Le - Luck

I didn't even know there was a film out called Luck, which probably explains why I'm so late coming to this. I'm not exactly sure what is it about this track that I like; perhaps it's the anthem vibe it has going on, or maybe the cheekiness of it all. It could even be Shruti Hassan as she appears in the video.

Rabba - Sukhmani

A sweet little ballad, much of which I can't understand due to much of it being in Punjabi. Not that that's ever made a difference (2005! Eep). Shalla!

Abstruse Goose

Easier said than done, no?



Although I always have said that I'd tell someone that I liked them if I did. It's not my fault that I just don't seem to like many people.

Link of the Day

Fatwa forbids Facebook

Although it's easy enough to scoff at how backward this is, I gotta admit cringing at some of the things I've read married people say to others online, stuff they would never say in person (but perhaps that's only because they'd never find the physical opportunity to). But then again I have been accused of being backward about these things too; apparently it's weird in this day and age to want to avoid one on one meetings with people of the opposite gender. Shrug.

Nicked off Humaira's blog.

Video of the Day

This is fun, if a bit explicit. Those of you under the age of twenty need not apply:



There's a Bad Dudes/DragonNinja one too (which I actually thought was better).

Film: Youth in Revolt

For me Michael Cera has become almost a guarantee for what I've recently come to describe as a genius movie; the kind of flick that relies not on special effects or good make-up but a solid plot which normal people are able to relate to, some human acting and tons of feel good factor - see Up in the Air for a recent example of what I'm talking about. Although Youth in Revolt isn't the best example of a genius film it does manage to create a bit of a vibe about it.

It's basically more teen angst ridden drama: boy meets girl, boy becomes bad to impress girl, hilarity ensues. I can't really go much into the plot without spoiling it, but I will say that the most curious aspect of the film is in its pacing; quite a lot happens in the 90 minutes or so that this film runs for. But even more than that, it's really difficult to tell which bit is the beginning, which bit is the middle and which bit is the end. It's almost like we're actually being presented with a handful of set pieces from the life of Nick Twisp.

So its a bit of a curiosity at best then. I will note Adhir Kalyan's (of Aliens in America fame) performance as being superb; I think we'll get to see some good stuff from him in the future. Otherwise as much as I enjoyed this film I'm finding it difficult to recommend it. One for DVD then.

Losing It

Although I'm quite an easy going guy (stop laughing at the back) most of the time, there are rare occasions when I'll see red. During these times, I'll become irrational, single-minded and deaf to reason; the last of which is a shame as since I'm almost always in the wrong when this happens it would be good if I were able to realise this sooner rather than later.

Take this morning, for instance.

For reasons that don't really matter I decided to run laps in the local park for my weekly long-run. It was milder than usual and so I took off my otherwise essential hat and gloves and left them on one of the park benches; no one was going to take a crappy fake Thinsulate hat (that all middle aged Asian men seem to have) and knitted gloves, and even if they did I was lapping at around 2 to 3 minutes so would probably catch them in the act.

An hour into my run and I noticed that my hat had disappeared from the place I had left it. Walking away from the park bench was a middle aged Asian man wearing it.

And that was pretty much all I needed to make a confrontation. He was obviously a thief. He even looked like one.

"Is that your hat?" I asked him rudely. "Excuse me?" he replied, quite surprised. I asked again and this time he said it was his. He was still smiling, not quite aware of what I was accusing him of. "I just saw you take it", I lied, trying to catch him out. "I have no idea what you're talking about, this is my hat". "Are you sure? My name is written inside" I pathetically lied again.

This (admittedly lame) exchange went on for a few seconds, myself becoming more angry, the guy not smiling any more. If I had taken a few moments, I would have listened to my sub-conscious screaming at me that the hat was the wrong colour and shape, but none of that really mattered by that point. It was only after I had grabbed the hat off his head that I realised it was a size too big and had an extra layer of fake Thinsulate material inside.

In return the guy grabbed the cord of my headphones, stripping its wires as he did so. He then took a few swipes, drool flying from his mouth as he did so. This was nothing major and easy to avoid; at that point I just wanted the whole thing to end; not because of the trouble I was in but more because I was the one in the wrong. Still insisting that it was my hat I shoved it back into his hands, took my broken headphones and responded to his effing and blinding as I carried on my run, realising that if I hadn't given this poor guy unwarranted grief I would have probably found the person who had really taken my stuff.

Which I did. Further in that same lap I noticed a woman and her dog. The woman had put something down on another bench, and when I approached it I found that they were my gloves. Catching up to her and getting her attention with a much more polite and controlled "excuse me", she immediately asked if the hat she was carrying was mine, and how she was taking it to lost or found (something my gloves didn't seem worthy of). Not believing her one bit (but not actually caring) I took it off her and carried on my way. Where the hell was this calm and reasonable me a few minutes ago? My irrationality cost me my pride and a set of headphones, but more importantly hassle for someone who was just minding his own business.

So there you have it. I'm one of those troublemaking thugs you hear your uncles and aunties complaining about. Which makes me wonder two things: firstly how many troublemaker incidents are just normal people flipping out? And secondly I wonder if I would have flipped out if some of the variables had changed (I don't think I would have been as confrontational if it was a hot woman for instance).

To my credit I did run in the direction the poor fella was originally walking, all the way to the bus stop that I thought he might have been heading to. He probably wouldn't have given me a chance to apologise (and quite reasonably so), but I thought I should at least try. I didn't find him but maybe he'll be reading this? If so, I'm unreservedly sorry.