Wednesday, October 17

Being Gotten

There's a lot to be said about not being understood by other people. No, I'm not talking about the stereotypical way in which some teenagers feel they're misunderstood by their parents. It's not that this is any less important; it's just not what I'm getting at here. Or perhaps it is. I'm not quite sure yet.

I've already spoken many times about being "different" and "unique" in this here blog, both personally and more recently generally and how it's mainly due to all of us being our own particular people. However what I've noticed is that the more difficult it is for someone to get you, the harder it is to form any kind of relationship with them, and as such those who are in serious relationships are usually easily understood, not only by their partners, but by others too.

It's also important to realise that being understood isn't about having someone agree with everything you say, but more about knowing where you're coming from and going to. It's a mixture of acceptance, tolerance and respect, and further each earned rather than granted for free just because you happen to have a nice smile (or great rack. Whatever).

I've not got any delusions of grandeur here: I'm not saying that those who are misunderstood somehow operate on a higher plane than their counterparts, but merely on a different one which may put them out of reach with a large slice of people. And as I've mentioned before it's also quite likely too: confer with how different people will relate to different parts of you respectively, but none can quite relate to the same as a whole.

But all is not lost for those who feel that most of the world just doesn't get them. Personally, I've met people who have gotten me enough to keep my interest; albeit to a platonic level due to them already being taken, being the wrong gender or being out of reach for some other reason. Ironically I've even been in the situation where even though someone gets me pretty quickly, I never quite got to get them back in the same way.

Which brings us to marriage. If anyone needs to understand you to a really high level, it's your other half. Now for some, the initial reaction to this sentiment is to declare the need to compromise. For me, this means to change yourself in a fundamental way - be it to dumb yourself down, hide your complexities, shallow your depths or remove some of your layers - all in order to somehow make yourself more accessible to the largest pool of potential suitors possible.

And it could and does work: many successful unions have been created between two people who never really quite understand each other fully. For those of us still single and looking, the question is whether this a situation we would mind being in or not. The simple answer to that is no as we would have done so otherwise.

The more difficult question is whether it's actually worth waiting for that someone to finally get you before running off into the sunset with them, since it may mean having to wait for quite a long time.