Monday, December 19

Spammy's Rules Of Women

By popular demand here are all of Spammy's rules recorded in one place for your reference. Bear in mind that these are extremely general and even Spammy accepts that there are exceptions to them; which probably includes you reading (since all of my female friends are unique and special and great).

Consider these a work in progress, with rules to be added, edited and deleted. Oh and if you don't know please don't ask who Spammy is. It's not important. Anyway, on to the rules:

Spammy's Second: For any woman, her looks multiplied by her personality equals a constant.

Spammy's Third: All women, on some level, are gay.

Spammy's Fourth: For all women in a relationship, most are in one with a guy for whom they are too good for. This is a result of their inherent insecurity.

Spammy's Fifth: All women hate to be stalked. Unless the stalker happens to be cute and/or has biceps as big as their waist.

Spammy's Sixth: All women spell the pronoun "you" as "u", refuse to use "I" and seem unable to use an exclamation mark in isolation.

Spammy's Seventh: A woman will laugh at a guy she finds funny. A woman will laugh at another woman whether she finds her funny or not.

Spammy's Eighth: Women only want guys who are broken. This is so that they can fix them, and ultimately implies that nice, perfect guys do indeed finish last.

Spammy's Ninth: Despite the incredulity of it, treating them mean will indeed keep them keen.

Spammy's Tenth: For a group of women partaking in an activity, the chances of them succeeding is inversely proportional to the size of the group. (Added 2009-04-18)

Spammy's Eleventh: All women think that they can dance, of which less than 5% actually can. (Added 2009-08-23)

And of course,

Spammy's First: A woman is more likely to agree with Spammy's Rules if she's told she is an exception to them.