Tuesday, August 24

It cant be that easy... Can it?

So, I just got back from Bangladesh. Wonderful place - reminded me of Pakistan really, but possibly a tad poorer. Oh, and I couldn't understand what people were saying. And they were shorter. And darker. It was more expensive than Karachi too, which I found surprising. People here keep asking me "How were the floods?", and without intending on taking away from the severity of the situation there, to be totally honest if I hadn't had known there were floods before I left I prolly wouldn't have after returning either.

I also preferred Chittagong to Dhaka (which for me was actually Narayanganj). That was probably cos the latter was towards the end of a long holiday, as well as Chittagong having had both weddings so we were kept pretty busy with the celebrations there.

Did I say both weddings? Well, we all had always considered the possibility that Brother Number Two (BN2) would also get married, but it was still a strange and surprising event to witness. Brother Number One (BN1) had met his fiancé back in December and they've been in some form of contact for the eight months they had before their nuptial day. Which I find pretty reasonable for a modern day international arranged-cum-introduced marriage. They certainly seemed comfortable together (after the marriage of course. Tut tut).

BN2 met his fiancé a week before their Nikkah. She was the second of three which he had met.

OK, don't get me wrong - They're both fantastic girls. And I'm convinced they'll all be happy and take great pleasure in taking care of each other for the rest of their lives. But after hearing stories which point to how hard it is to find The One (bleurgh), or maintain a relationship, isn't there something unsettling about being able to turn around the foundations of a successful marriage in less than a week? There shouldn't be - but as much as we like to think otherwise, we're just not used to it.

Now, I've always claimed that its easy for one to get married if they really wanted to. And that if they weren't, this wasn't due to a bout of bad luck or social inadequacy or anything - it was more due to them not wanting it enough. But perhaps that's the point here; that people don't just want a marriage, they don't just want someone to take care of them and keep them company, but further want a best friend, a confidanté, a spouse as well - the latter isnt necessarily implied by the former. Can you recognise that in someone in a week? I'm not sure that you can. However, I'm not claiming that these things cant grow. Nah, in all likeliness they will with someone who you would spend that much time with (especially if all parties involved are as great as they are in these two cases).

But perhaps, for some of us, we need this to happen before we sign that dotted line? Not particularly practical, sure - I mean this may be time better spent building a relationship with someone concrete, someone definite. Hell, it may not even be reasonable - we're all pretty flexible when it comes to interacting with others who are too. But it could explain why some choose to make it so difficult for themselves - anything other than what we have planned for ourselves may feel like a compromise (is this settling for less? Woah, that's a whole other blog entry). And ironically, it's prolly these same people who would be better off focusing their efforts on a single person rather than other less than potential possibilities.

And so, Mother Dearest has become hardcore smitten on getting me married off "back home", citing the two examples I have had the good fortune to witness. Now I've never said I was closed to the idea - in fact I've always found it bizarre how some can so easily write off a whole country - but I must admit after my experiences in Bangladesh the idea has become an almost-preference.

And yet, despite what I've written above, not a complete one. Pfft.

4 comments:

  1. why has the idea of marrying a girl from 'back home' become an alomost-preference?

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  2. everything looks easy in the beginning. it's when you come back to the uk and two years later you're seriously considering diivorce that it doesn't seem quite so easy

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  3. turtlebain!!!!

    hey spammy, do i have your permission to trash this site like i have done with another...?

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  4. It’s both a conscious and unconscious choice, to life partner or not to life partner.
    Overall, it can be simplified in terms of desiring it enough and in the words of Starsky to just DO IT. Since most do often get the offer(s) in the arranged sense you make a conscious and unconscious decision when it’s jointly decided with the rents. When you’re younger it’s just a decision, yes or no, older you get its more contemplation. You deliberate over the ol’ x-factor: compatibility. Which really means durability, can you live a life time with that soul and not get divorced and be another stat. Having faith in the almighty and wholeheartedly knowing your decision to marry that person is decided truly by oneself and having faith in the Almighty to guide you is the crucial thing. As the friends tie the knot, you feel twinges but ultimately it boils down to destiny and conscious/unconscious choices one decides. We are what we do, right?!

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