Level of Entry

How "right" does it have to feel with another before you choose to take things to the next stage? For example, I have a friend who has no problem "seizing the day" and will do so with any girl he's known for five minutes (and sometimes less). This isn't anything sleazy and usually just consists of coffee and I have no doubt that the lady in question would have a good time in his company, so I'm not criticising this.

The other extreme is reserved for people like me, who won't take things further so flippantly (with want for a better, less judging word), those who will ensure some kind of certainly and control first. It probably goes without saying that the latter group don't really progress that often, but I suspect they're not really bothered by this "lack of action" anyway, making do with and appreciating the rare times things do happen instead.

There's no right or wrong approach here. Different people need different amounts of evidence and stimuli before showing their respective cards. I'm not even sure which is more effective: the proactive guy may get things done faster, but perhaps the latter will have something more certain, more precious?

As someone in the latter group, it's worth stating why a guy may choose to take things slow. There's respect for the other person (if you ask everyone in a skirt out, what makes the next so special?), a consideration of their own true feelings (since that initial rush of, uh, blood might be mistaken for something else), a lack of time, money or even emotion, and finally the prospect of failure. Proactive guy may not care about any of these things, so in a sense he's the braver one by risking and investing more. Of course he may also become insensitive to all the above too.

Proactive guy isn't necessarily less fussy either, he just prefers to be more explicit about the fact finding process of whether another person will be suitable or not, while guys from the other group may prefer being a bit more subtle, fall into friendship, and gather information that way as a natural consequence. The information gathered is all the same at the end, and of course slow guy would have to become somewhat proactive at some point (in order to "switch" the relationship).

Finally, it's worth noting that none of this considers the other person, and what category they happen to fall into. Some won't wait for the Slows, while others may find Proactive a bit too fast. I guess in this sense the best approach is a balanced and flexible one, the one which suits both you and the prospective as a whole rather than any single person involved.

Originally drafted 30th March, 2008.