Touring in Dubai

It took a couple of hours this morning to clear all the boring work stuff. After we were done, we got on to the relatively new Dubai Metro and headed to Dubai Mall to continue the brief visit we had paid it last night. Our priority was to go up the Burj, but we were told that there was plenty of other stuff to do there to soak up the time. Since we had booked tickets for the 7:30pm session we had a fair few hours to kill.

We managed to catch one of the hourly fountain shows outside. With the Burj in the background we enjoyed various water works all choreographed with music (apparently each show has a different global theme) and although the fountains themselves were quite impressive with how high up they squirted the stuff, the show as a whole seemed a bit bland.

We decided to check out the aquarium. To be honest I was amazed at how the managed to fit such a wonderful tank (and underwater tunnel) smack bang in the middle of a shopping mall, but there it was. I was happy to just sit outside and point at the fish from the public area but since we had time we went in too. The tunnel was exactly what you would have expected, but the underwater zoo turned out to be a pretty cool part of the experience; they had quite a few weird species of fish, a lot of which I hadn't seen before. Topped off with a ride in glass bottomed boat along the top surface of the tank and I'd say the whole deal was actually pretty fun.

But at last it was time to head up the Burj Khalifa. Unlike other observatories, this one seems to have been designed from the ground up for tourists and it was quite nice to read all the facts and figures about the building and construction process as we headed to the lift to take us up to the 124th floor.

If I'm totally honest, the view up there wasn't particularly stunning. Perhaps it was how Dubai is a desert, or maybe the fact that we were there at night, but there wasn't really much to see and neither was there a sense of the great height we were at. We did get to see another fountain show, this time from above, and it was quite nice to have been out on the open terrace instead of behind a window as in other observatories.

Heading back down, our time at the Dubai Mall was over. I still don't know how we managed to spend six hours there, and that without visiting more than a couple of shops (including the wonderful Candylicious). Content with our sightseeing, we headed off to the house of some family for a late dinner. Now that the business and sightseeing was out of the way, tomorrow was reserved for chilling out with friends.

Three Nights in Dubai

Despite promising myself never to leave the country again (well not for the next couple of months anyway), I've found myself having to go to the UAE for some work related stuff. It's a bit annoying actually - it's a bit disruptive for one thing and will be too short to make a proper holiday out of it (the only reason we're staying so long is because it would be too expensive to fly back sooner). Still, at least I'm going with my parents so it won't be all that bad.

We landed in Abu Dhabi quite late and waited a while for our lift to Sharjah. The drive was pretty uneventful until we got into Dubai proper - despite my misgivings about this trip I knew it would be an opportunity to see the brand new Burj Kilafa. It was an awesome sight, far more exciting and unreal than any of the other "tallest buildings in the world" I have had the fortune of seeing in person.

Detecting our wonderment, our kind host treated us to a brief stop off at the adjoining Dubai Mall where we had dinner (courtesy of Burger King) and were able to check out the Burj on foot. It was even more impressive up close; it's not often that I've had to crane my neck to see the top of a building, and even at a few hundred metres away I couldn't get the whole building in my field of vision. Amazing stuff.

But it was late and so we headed off. I didn't have much sightseeing to do here in Dubai (both my parents and me have been here before) but the Burj and Mall were definitely on the list of things to spend some more time checking out.

Desert Island Spouse

As all good theories about marriage come about this one was also born over a home cooked dinner with a bunch of clever mates. Although it doesn't matter much to the content of this post, this idea did come about during a meal in South Africa. I guess there's no holiday for marriage talk.

The question was regarding how to know if someone was right for you. That you "just know" wasn't really good enough, especially during a time when people already married for a few years who also "just knew" are also claiming that they should have "known better". Faced with this question, I offered the desert island test.

The trick would be to find someone with whom you could live on a desert island, alone. A remote mountain also works, but the point is that you would have no other worldly inputs or distractions. You would grow your own food, and work to live rather than getting your name on a business card or magazine, and the goings on of anything outside of the island would not be of any concern to you. Your only interactive input and output would be with your partner (and maybe a pet hamster).

Would you get bored in this situation? Or for those who are already married, could you survive under such conditions?

What I was essentially trying to do was to normalise relationships, and remove the guff that many of us think contributes to one, but doesn't really. On a desert island, it really is the person who matters and nothing else. Of course in this day and age it's an unrealistic test, but the idea itself tends to frighten the hell out of some people.

As soppy and naive as it sounds, there was once a time when for the typical Joe and Jane on the street the only thing that mattered in life was to find a good partner (where "good" means many things) and raise a family with them. That's really just about it and everything else, including jobs or pastimes, were just incidental. But increasingly nowadays marriage isn't about finding someone around whom your world revolves, but instead someone who fits in with your already defined sense of self and individuality. We now want someone to add and enhance the lives we have already built or are building and marriage is now merely one part of many which makes up who a person is: so X is now a successful, smart intelligent and strong person who, as an aside, happens to also be married to Y.

Things like obedience and devotion are now seen as weaknesses, signs that a person isn't an individual. We now have to think about ensuring our survival without relying on the people we've committed to, and as such partners are no longer necessary to complete ourselves. There was a time when phrases like "she's at the centre of my universe" and "we were made for each other" where in common use, when women would dream about taking on the surnames of the guy they were in love with. And when they eventually did cement their relationship, as long as these people had each other nothing else mattered to them. But alas it seems that these concepts have now been relegated to unrealistic or outdated ideas or fictional romanticism (I'm looking at you, Twilight). It's not that this state is unachievable, but more that it's undesirable.

However I'm not suggesting that society has it wrong. What goes into a good and strong relationship, and indeed what a relationship is, evolves over time and means different things as we progress. In that sense the desert island test is simply just out of date, something which refers to a highly idealised and possibly over-demanding view of marriage and romance that has no place in this day and age.

That said I certainly don't think reaching such a state is impossible in this day and age - looking at the popularity of stuff like Twilight (spit) anyone would think that old fashioned romance is all anyone wants. I guess the trick to a happy relationship is, as always, to find the one person who has the same view and needs of hooking up, getting married and becoming a spouse as you do, no matter what level of involvement that actually entails.

Game: Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)

It seems like yesterday that I took delivery of the first Super Mario Galaxy, a game I swore was the best thing ever at the time. And it was good, except I found myself losing interest once I had gotten to the end of the story mode; I still have 40 stars or so to collect, but it either became too difficult or too much of a chore to carry on with.

Which is why SMG2 is so surprising. Despite clearly being well rooted in the first game (squint and you can't really tell the difference), it feels much more fresh, much more straight forward than SMG. The levels seems tighter and more straightforward (while retaining all of the fun), and it seems less reliant on non-classic Mario mechanisms than SMG - there's no confusing starship hub, now replaced by a more linear world map; random appearance of comets are now replaced by collectable tokens and bits which should be played in 2D (which actually happens quite often) have to be played in 2D. It's like they've cut out all the fluff of the first game.

Of course it's early days for me yet, having collected less than ten stars. The boredom/time sapping characteristic of the first game could still creep in. But in my old age I don't seem to mind this as much; so I miss a few stars and that coveted 100% I used to need... it's the journey to the end that will make this a wonderful game to play.

Video of the Day

Total class.



Of course the genius is in how true it all is. Oh and make sure you check out The 9 Ways to Treat a Woman by the same peeps.

Nicked of Gareth's Facebook.

24

Like Lost, I had come late to 24. Still, the way in which I could sit and watch the whole of the first season in a single weekend confirmed to me that this would be a show I would always enjoy. And now that it's ended, it has definitely made my top five shows ever, alongside Buffy and TNG.

Compared to the season finale of Lost yesterday, I didn't find the final episode of 24 as fulfilling or good. It felt a bit rushed and unfair, with Jack not getting the closure or recognition he deserved. Nevertheless it would always have been difficult to top a show that had been so awesome otherwise.

The biggest draw with 24 was the way it was able to twist its storyline, As someone who tends to see plot lines a mile off 24 was one of the rare shows that was able to shock and surprise, at some moments even prompting me to get off the sofa in excitement. There have been some excellent and classic TV moments, and although some may call them unrealistic or even cheap, I've not found the same kind of excitement in any other show.

Much was said about 24's realtimeness, the way in which an hour show showed the events of an hour, the 24 episodes of a season, a day. For me this wasn't really a relevant attribute of the series; in fact I still maintain that it would have been a lot better without this unnecessary burden, sometimes leading to filler. None of the good bits of the show relied on the fact it was in real time, and it ended up being a bit of a gimmick more than anything else.

I know a few people who refuse to watch 24 due to its portrayal of Muslims. I think that at least three of the eight seasons (including the last) involved Muslims in some way. I didn't seem to mind this as much, perhaps because I'm able to detach or see TV for what it is, but aside from that for every bad guy they also had a goody representing the other side, or an even bigger non-Muslim threat. Toward the end of S7, it even got to the stage where Jack became quite involved in Islam. So I wasn't that bothered by the whole religious commentary of the show; in fact I was more annoyed by the constant and not-so-subtle product placement.

Ah. Jack. I take my first paragraph back actually - it was Jack who was the main draw of 24. The perfect hero - he was strong and capable but always measured in way that transcended policy or law. His sense of justice was pure and active - he wouldn't be concerned with silly laws or rules designed and enforced by corrupt and weak people. He always did what was right, even if that meant him suffering himself. As one of the bad guys once realised: Jack really was the best.

Lost Without Lost

Although it's only been running for six seasons (even though it lasted seven), it feels as if Lost has been running for much longer. Perhaps it was just the epic feel of the whole thing, or maybe it had something to do with the final episode (sorry, I can't talk about it much) this morning, but for some reason it's almost as if something will now be missing from my television schedule.

I loved Lost. And I'm not even sure I understand what actually happened in it; and coming from someone who insists on having a full and total understanding of anything he watches that says a lot. It's almost like I've learned one of the main lessons in the show (sorry, I can't talk about it much).

It wasn't always plain sailing though. The success of the mystery leave-them-hanging format in the first season appeared to have gone to the heads of the makers, with season two and three both having been heavily criticised for being a bit too much bait and not enough story. Still, the massive loss of confidence and resulting drop in ratings seemed to have done the trick and Lost returned even better from season four onwards. Unlike other shows, it had learned it's lesson, and now, after watching the whole thing, I've realised how long their game plan was.

The final episode was pretty much perfect (sorry, I can't talk about it much), and if I was a lesser man I would have been in tears throughout. Pathetic as it sounds I even begun to miss a few of the characters (not least Kate), if not the Island and surrounding myth itself.

Lost goes to show that sometimes it's not about the story or getting from introduction to conclusion but more about the characters and their interactions. Who cares if certain things aren't answered, or if there are things that don't really make sense? That's not really the point.

As it stands Lost was a brilliant show, one that was perfectly timed, and after skipping the first play of season one, I'm definitely glad I decided to watch it in the end.

EDIT: One of the best write-ups I can find is here, on Kotaku of all places. The comments make for excellent reading too.

Abstruse Goose

I've written before about how Star Trek has had an effect on my life, although I was surprised when reading Abstruse Goose this morning:



And there I was thinking I was the only one who followed the Prime Directive...

Film: Four Lions

A black comedy about four jihadists was always going to be a little iffy. That said Four Lions manages to tread the line between taking the mick and causing offence quite well, and I didn't come away thinking how wrong the makers had gotten it.

Since it's not offensive, it must be funny right? Well yes and no really. There's no doubt that some of the one-liners will eventually reach classic status, destined to be repeated amongst groups of Muslim people, and some of the sketches were genuinely hilarious. But although I did laugh out loud plenty of times, most of them were pretty shallow and so very short lived. I guess I was expecting something a little more sophisticated.

The same goes for the message of the film - it's pretty non-existent really. This might be a good thing as we avoid all the sticky situations of moral, ethical and religious dilemma and just stick to the laughs, but it did contribute overall to the shallowness of the film.

Riz Ahmed was excellent as usual, as were his support; They clearly had a good time making the film (although I did sometimes have trouble understanding their accents). It was well put together too, and I had no complaints about the technical side of the movie.

Overall this wasn't quite the film I would have liked it to be. Nevertheless, it gets a recommendation both for the novelty and cheap gags, but if you miss it at the cinema don't worry: a DVD watch will be just as rewarding.

Film: Prince of Persia

The game of the same name on which this film is based on remains a firm favourite of mine. I think the thing which did it for me was the simplicity of it all; there was no convoluted plot, or controls that required hours of play to master. Difficult was challenging but in a simple, non frustrating way, and the total playtime didn't mean I had to quit work in order to see it through.

The film managed to retain a lot of these back to basics qualities. It was easy on the eye and brain equally (with many of its plot twists seen a mile off), and offered a level of fun which some films tend to look over. However since you tend to interact with a film less that you would a game, the lack of sophistication also meant a less of an engaging experience overall.

Technically the film failed on a few levels. I'm not quite sure who appeared in the film more Gyllenhaal or his stunt double, the special effects were bad and the editing left a lot to be desired. I'm not even sure the ending made that much sense either. Still, at least Gemma Arterton looked okay. I didn't even mind that she wasn't Persian.

Overall then although not really a classic, Prince of Persia did do enough to get away with being fun; just about anyway. It's hardly unmissable though, so perhaps it'd be best to stick to DVD with this one.

Extreme Prevention & Walls

Despite wanting to, I've never really got the chance to go to a Muju performance before. I guess the thing which prompted me to go this time was that half of the show was going to be them putting on a piece by Alia Bano of Shades fame.

Walls went on for twenty minutes and was about two best mates, one a not-so-practising Muslim and the other a rich Jew and how the latter planning to leave for Israel affects their relationship. Twenty minutes wasn't enough to explore this whole set up properly, although as a basis for something larger (the writer insisted that it was a work in progress) the promise was certainly there.

Clearly not as polished as Shades was, there was much left to be desired about all aspects of the performance. The script wasn't stellar (although there were a few gems), the plot slightly forced and construed, and the acting a bit shabby (I noticed a few forgotten lines and fluffs). Still seeing as how Muju is a charity where most of the human resources are volunteers, it would have been a bit unreasonable to expect a full theatrical performance.

The second half of the evening was spent on a series of comedy sketches titled "Extreme Prevention". I can't remember any which I didn't laugh hard at, and I was surprised at how far some of the jokes went - both the suggestion to abort a potential terrorist foetus and the Jew who had a bagel stuck on his, well, you know thing raised a couple of eyebrows between my giggles. I was more glad that the show wasn't worried about pushing the boundary just because it had a faith element in its constitution. In that sense it was braver and so more effective than some of the other "Muslim comedy" I've had the chance to check out. I especially liked how both Prevent and Quilliam got a good knocking. About time.

All in all I was quite impressed by Muju and what they had come up with. Not only were they quite talented as an amateur group, but they managed to avoid most of the pitfalls that come with faith based initiatives; something the probably achieved by virtue of leaping off more than one faith. I look forward to what they have to offer next.

Video of the Day

I've always said that you can learn a lot from videogames.



In this case, that the shortest path to the end game isn't to save the princess.

Food: Baharat

Indian or Turkish? Don't really know what you fancy? Well head down to Baharat down in South Woodford; it seems to have a decent enough selection from both.

We stuck to the "Mediterranean" menu, and then just to the starters. This turned out to be quite a good idea since it gave us a chance to sample quite a bit of the menu, including pastries, chicken wings and even calamari. All were of a standard enough quality.

Baharat was a nice enough place to eat in. It's pretty intimate (read: dead), and I probably enjoyed the Bollywood soundtrack a bit more than others would. The service was prompt and polite and overall there wasn't much to complain about.

The flexibility we got in sticking to starters was reflected in the price as we ended up paying a tenner or so a head, a decent price considering the way in which we had ordered.

Overall Baharat is little more than an above standard Indian with some of the usual twists on its menu. This makes it a safe bet and for those of you living in the area when looking for a place to get a good bite to eat.

Snippet

Shak says (12:47):
    everyone saying about this muslim bird...
    "she's so pretty..... shame she's so skinny"
    either we're the only honest ones.... or we have an aquired taste
xxxx says (12:48):
    nup
    any girl who says that ias just jealous
    any guy who says that
[...]
    is either gay
    or knows women will be reading/listning
    and will want them to think that he doenst endorse model-skinny type figures
Shak says (12:49):
    so we're actually keeping it real?
xxxx says (12:49):
    there;'s a reason why models are skinny
    men like skinny girls
    any guy who says he doesnt
    is lying
    gay
    or just a chubby chaser

Snippet

xxxx says (08:25):
    all women are the same
    piece of advice to you
    never believe anything a woman tells you
Shak says (08:25):
    wah
xxxx says (08:25):
    so when you meeting these women
xxxx says (08:26):
    dont feel bad about lying
    long as it gets you a fit wife that's all that matters
    cos she'll be lying as well
xxxx says (08:28):
    in fact ... why do you even need to get married at all
    if you want kids ... you can have kids without getting married
Shak says (08:29):
    how?
xxxx says (08:30):
    is it against the law for yo
    or against your religino
Shak says (08:30):
    in what sense?
xxxx says (08:30):
    as in
    can you find a girl
    and have kids with her
    and not get married

[...]

Shak says (08:37):
    of course not. no sex before marriage innit?
xxxx says (08:37):
    hmmmm

Film: Hot Tub Time Machine

Poor taste, nonsensical, badly acted, awful editing, an insulting storyline and numerous plot holes that the makers didn't even try to fill... these were all attributes of a film that really shouldn't have made it past the conceptual stage.

And yet I didn't really care because I was laughing so hard. Think 80's lowbrow comedy and you'll understand what Hot Tub is.

So either I'm still an immature kid who finds really stupid things funny or the film manages to exude that unique magic that always overrides logic. Whatever happens to be the case, I can't help but recommend Hot Tub Time Machine. And if you don't happen to find it that funny... well then you just simply have no soul.

A Family Lunch Conversation

Aunt: So xxx says she knows that slutty one from House Full. Shak, do you want her to hook you up?

Me: I'll need to watch the film to figure out exactly how slutty she is, but yeh, probably.

Brother: Mum, would you let Shak marry a bollywood actress?

Mum: ... Well if she was a virgin, yes.

Film: Robin Hood

Bland, boring and lifeless are adjectives I can use to describe many aspects of this film. From the lifeless plot to the awful acting all the way to the staid one liners in the monotonous script, I really didn't understand how such films can ever claim to be entertaining.

Perhaps unsurprisingly it reminds me much of another film I didn't really understand: Robin Hood displayed the same kind of mind-numbingly boringness as Gladiator, so perhaps it was my mistake for even thinking of going to watch this film. On top of being bad, it even had the gall to be over two and half hours long.

I'm falling asleep just writing about it, so I'll just stop here with a "not recommended". Not recommended, not even for the cheap attempts at an apology for the Crusades. No, really, they do.

Link of the Day

One for the SF fans:



So good.

Abstruse Goose

Hmm. For the first time ever I must throw scorn and doubt on Abtruse Goose:



Do people think this way? Do they really? Once again: hmm.

New Music

Khuda Jaane - Bachna Ae Haseeno

Not sure why I missed this since it seems pretty much up my street. Better late than never I guess.

Show Dem - JR feat HHP

MAKE THE CIRCLE BEEGA! I won't explain why this is can't be anything other than my song of my holiday in South Africa, but the fact that it's a tune too just makes it all the better.

Video of the Day

Here's something I randomly came across:



It's a bit random but the girl is funny and kinda hot, two things guaranteed to get a video on here. Enjoy.

Writing About South Africa

Due to the nature of the trip ("home away from home" versus "as a tourist") I won't be writing a daily travel log of my stay in South Africa but instead will be recounting my experiences and thoughts over the past couple of weeks in individual retrospective posts, just as if I was posting from London.

Since they'll be arriving in a haphazard manner, to make these posts easier for those interested to specifically follow (and so allow you to avoid all my other rubbish), I'll be labelling all relevant posts with "south africa". So, to check these posts on the web just visit:

http://www.radioshak.co.uk/search/label/south africa

Or alternatively if you're a user of RSS, just add the following to your favourite reader:

http://www.radioshak.co.uk/feeds/posts/default/-/south africa

So have a read, enjoy and please feel free to comment.

South Africa Photo Time

I've uploaded the photos I took during my stay in South Africa to Picasa. As usual, I've split them into public and private albums as necessary; what's changed is that I've now switched to Google Account managed privacy (as opposed to URL/token based) and will try to provide access to the respective albums as appropriate.

If you think you want access to a particular album but don't have a Google account (and have no interest in creating one) then drop me a line and we'll figure something out.

Apologies for the lack of quality - it almost seems as if a bug had crawled onto my sensor toward the beginning of my trip. My A200 seems prone to becoming dirty (despite me never changing the lens), which as an aside might be the excuse I need to replace it.

In any case, I hope you enjoy the pictures.

Film: Iron Man 2

Hmm. I many ways this is identical to 2008's (cripes) Iron Man, with Robert Downey Jr carrying most of the otherwise forgettable film to the audience. However what this sequel actually proves is that you can't play the same trick twice, and the film doesn't quite manage to get away with it.

Bland is what I'll use to describe this film. In fact, I'm not actually sure what, if anything, happens in it. Still, at least both Scarlett and Gwyneth are looking good.

If you do go to watch this (if you haven't guessed yet, I'm not really recommending that you do), make sure you hang around past the credits. Assuming you've not read my Twitter yet, that is (an unforgivable mistake. Sorry!).

South Africa Conclusions

So it probably goes without saying that I absolutely loved my time in South Africa. After the very tourism focussed trip to Korea and Japan, I had fully intended on making South Africa more of a social and chilled out holiday, but despite this I never expected to have as much fun as I actually did.

I've repeatedly asked what my highlight of the trip was, or which was my favourite city. The honest truth is that there were far too many highlights to pick just one - I'm hoping I have done justice to all the various things I did by recounting them here on this blog.

As for my favourite city, well that's just as difficult to call. Durban had the wedding and surrounding excitement and vibe, Cape Town had lots to see and do while Johannesburg just had tons of people to meet. My trip to South Africa would not had been as complete or well rounded had I not been to all three places, and quite strangely each place had the effect of accentuating the effect of the others on me.

Another question I was asked was whether I could live there. Well joking aside (by the end of the trip I was known as "the guy who had come to South Africa to find a wife") I think I could live here if I had the chance to. The main concerns for me would be the lack of ANY family in the vicinity as well as the levels of violent crime here - of the fifty or so people I met, at least five of them had been smashed and grabbed, a similar number had been car-jacked and around a handful had had close family members murdered randomly. Crime here isn't something you read about in the Metro on the way to work, it's very real.

I loved the quality of life, and how people find the time not to only enjoy themselves but to take care of others. Comparing the way we treat ourselves and guests here in London, I don't think it's a case of selfishness or self-involvement, but purely one of a lack of time. Things like working near your home or even in our home have real implications to how people live here, and it's something I found myself to be terribly envious of.

Then there's the level of pseudo-integration of Asians and Islam. I say pseudo because of this constant awareness that we weren't in a real South Africa during most of our stay but in a kind of bubble, one which may not have been reflective of life outside the homes and towns of our friends. That aside, I loved how an otherwise secular restaurant would have a place to perform whudu and offer prayer, how adhan was called out in the open and how even the most non-Muslim place to eat would know what halal meant. All this and they speak English? It was almost perfectly comfortable, apart from the various comments regarding my wearing of chappal.

I loved how everything seemed to have fallen into place with this trip. Even the ash clouds seemed to change the trip for the better as our internal plans adjusted for our late arrival. There was something to do everyday, most of the time with little or no planning and I didn't feel we wasted any time. Well apart from that stint on Robben Island.

Of course this trip would not have been what it was had it not been for the wonderful, wonderful people. I often wondered what my time there would have been like had I come under any other circumstance, and after this trip I can't imagine experiencing South Africa in any other way. All three cities would have been very empty had we not had the company of the various people I had met, most for the very first time. The hospitality was totally unexpected and even uncalled for and we appreciated every iota of time given to us.

I fully went in to this trip as the third musketeer, or a side dish to the main course as some had also described me as being. I didn't even know the people whose wedding I had been invited to, and yet I got a mention in the groom's wedding speech. Heck the only reason I even knew of the trip was after reading about it in a blog. For sure I didn't have a right to have had such an awesome time, and I'm grateful at being given the opportunity to make so many new friends and acquaintances. I distinctly remember someone referring to this as they commented on how easily I was able to make myself comfortable around people I didn't know, but I was reassured that this was meant as a compliment rather than criticism of how imposing I was being.

But still I like to think I did make genuine contributions, and was a part of the bridge building that was going on. At times it seemed that the people I was travelling with knew more Saffans than the locals did, and I'm proud to have been a part of, or at the very least an incidental reason for, the new friendships being made. There's a reason why JR's Show Dem became the theme of our trip. Make The Circle Beega indeed.

Would I recommend South Africa to others? I'm not actually sure that I could. As a tourist destination I'm not sure what exactly the place has to offer - sure there are nice beaches and a mountain or two but for me these were mere bonuses to being able to doss, eat, have late night chats till 3am about women and celebrate life as much as we did. In short, if you happen to have around fifty friends spread out all across the country then you should definitely go.

And yet despite the amazing time I had in South Africa, despite my wanting to stay for at least another two weeks and despite not ever feeling homesick throughout (ten days in a hotel is usually my limit) there was something definitive and final about this whole trip. It was almost as if after my time there I had finally done and seen everything I wanted to; surprising considering I still have a well populated travelling list to get through. I realised that life just can't be about having this much random fun or seeing where the wind takes you, that the only sustainable way of living is to do so with modesty, and finally that I was actually ready to embrace the mundaneness of normal life. To be honest I'm not quite sure what it was I was feeling really.

But anyway. The trip has already become a fading memory and I despair as I struggle to recreate all the good times I had there in my mind. Still, I'm sure there'll be more than one occasion here where I'll be reminded of a joke or conversation I had in Durban, Cape Town or Johannesburg and smile to myself as I'm taken back to the absolutely brilliant tour of South Africa I took in 2010.

Goodbye, South Africa

After breakfast (which was kindly hosted by the family of a friend who is currently staying over in the UK), we decided to make Rosebank our final place to hang out in. This allowed us to browse the Sunday-only flea market (in which I managed to fulfil my whole quota of holiday gift shopping) as well as grab some food before heading off to the airport. But most importantly it allowed us to meet anyone who wanted to take the time out to say goodbye to us.

Once again I was quite taken back by how we were treated. People came and hung out, some for the whole time we were there. Many gave leaving gifts, something which I still don't quite get, coming from a town where token gestures like these are generally received with suspicion and cynicism. Quite fittingly our final meal was held in Spur, although in retrospect I should have taken more advantage of my final chance to sample South African meat.

Even the journey to the airport was full of poignancy as some friends took the time to personally drop us off. Quite amusingly we met some more people at the airport over coffee, at the same Mugg and Bean where I had originally met them over what seemed like a lifetime ago. Had we really only been here two weeks ago?

The final joke? Well in what was classic South African style we arrived late at the gate and were final called before even seeing our plane. I guess we just didn't want to leave. I was actually hoping for the same ash which delayed our flight to return, but my prayers went unanswered. As I sat down on the top deck of the A380 to Paris I finally came to terms with the fact that our time in South Africa was well and truly up and we were finally going home; the memories of our time here keeping us flying higher than the plane we were sitting in ever would.

It's Official: Food In South Africa IS Better Than That Found In The UK

One of the main reasons I wanted to go to South Africa was to see if the food there really was better than that found in the UK. Back in London not a single dinner goes by without an (often uninvited) Saffan commenting on how much better the meat, BBQ, fruit, chocolate, weather, sex, politics, human rights, tax positions and people are back in their home country. In fact the only thing we seem to have are jobs, but the fact that that's all it took to get these people to leave their heavenly abodes says more about them than the quality of life in the UK.

But I digress. The point is that I made a point of eating as much as I could while touring South Africa, throwing out any sense of modesty (or diet) while I did so. I didn't really have a plan past going to as many braais as possible, but it turned out for Saffans food didn't just begin and end on the grill.

We managed to clock in three, maybe four, braais during our stay, all of various qualities and scales. All were awesome and very good at providing various succulent pieces of evidence to back the original claims made by the locals. I'm not sure I've ever tasted chicken so good; it literally exploded with juiciness in my mouth. But our hosts weren't just one trick ponies who were concentrating on the meat; no, for them hosting was a top to bottom affair resulting in wonderful salads and an almost uncountable number of guilt ridden desserts.

The same kind of approach was taken during the couple of home cooked dinners we went to. Multiple courses (including soups, dessert and then tea and cake), lots of exotic dishes (like, uh, prawns) and good all round conversation to boot. Full marks to the South African host then.

The times we chose to, you know, pay someone to feed us didn't disappoint either. The Thais and Italians were of a standard fair, but the fish restaurants were pretty darned amazing - apart from the fish and chips we ate in Cape Town which although good, I reckon I could have done better in the UK. Oh and I don't think I'd have been able to sample a halal ostrich steak in any of the other places I plan to travel to.

Which brings us to Spur. This is a chain of steak houses which we were told we just had to visit - we reluctantly managed to squeeze in a session for our final lunch before heading to the airport and I'm glad we did. I'm not even a big fan of steak and the like, but the ribs I had there were awesome.

I must contest the claim that fruit is better in South Africa. It was standard fare; I'd even say that the fruit in my home is of a better quality. Still, I was happy that it was so available.

Finally there was the junk food: namely the Crystal Steak Sandwiches, the Bunny Chows, the Gatsbies(?) and the Akhalwayas. However these little bundles of joy deserve a post all on their own, not least because they were part of a much larger inter-city tribal contest that us Brits were supposed to judge upon.

Our Final Braai

I guess it was fitting to have our final braai on our final night in South Africa. But this wasn't like any of the others we had had the pleasure to attend: here, a single host had opened her home not only to everyone we had met in Joburg but even some we had come across in Durban and Cape Town. I didn't manage to get a proper count but apparently over 35 people had been invited. I won't bang on about the food having been awesome, because by now that was just a given.

It was good to once again meet some of the new friends I had made, some who I'd be seeing for the last time. There was also a host of others who I hadn't seen before but had been told about. As is often the case with such events there wasn't enough time to have a quality conversation with everyone I wanted to, but I guess that's what happens when you sacrifice intimacy for numbers.

Despite clearly always being the third musketeer in the group I was travelling with I did feel a bit flattered that the locals were going to so much effort. In some ways it was just the final and definitive example of how extremely hospital the guys over here have been and exactly how well we had been looked after during our stay. We didn't feel like strangers from a far land, but old friends who were staying with family.

It's all the more upsetting that we'll be leaving tomorrow.

This One's For My Fans (Or Stalkers, As The Case May Be)

Although I was well aware of the whole South African Muslim Blogosphere (and do in fact take credit in some obscurely perverse way for linking it to some parts of the UK), I never really felt myself as a part of it. This was partly out of laziness and a lack of space in my feed reader - there's only so many blogs one can read after all. But in the main this was actually due to my own hang ups and insecurities regarding online relationships. I'm just going to say it: I find it weird having friends with whom you only communicate via Twitter and blog comments.

Don't get me wrong. Peeing contests aside, I've been doing this Internet thing for a long time now, be it IRC and newsgroups in the mid-nineties, the BBC Asianlife Messageboards (sigh) earlier on in this decade or even this whole blog thing that's currently all the rage. I've met more than a few wonderful people via the Internet and I do understand that you can build pretty solid relationships that have their origins in the ether.

However with all these people I did feel that our relationship wasn't complete until we had met in real life, something I made an immediate effort to do once I realised they were more than just words on a screen. In fact barring one person (who as an aside also happens to be the first person I was able to describe as an Internet friend), I've been able to meet them all in person. Not only that, but I have always been introduced to these people on a one on one and random basis (someone found my blog after searching for "nightmare rishta tips" or something) and not via entering some already established virtual community - one of the fundamental reasons why I refuse to maintain a blog roll over there in the sidebar on the right, and why the words "blog meeting" make me quiver in my boots.

But like I said this is more about me and my old fashioned take on the Internet than any criticism of said communities. For instance, I fully recognise that I would have no where near had such an awesome time here in South Africa had had such a "virtually assisted" (since a lot of these guys knew each other in real life already) community not existed. I do see the real value in them, and will never undermine them as being something flippant or trivial.

But that isn't actually what I wanted to talk about here. Regardless of my feelings of online communities, the fact that I was coming to South Africa meant that I would actually be facing many of the people who made up quite a large and prominent one. This was actually fine for me - as far as I was concerned I was just going to be meeting random new people for the first time. And I love meeting random new people.

I must admit however that I was slight taken aback by the number of people who seemed to already know who I was. From the "you're not as intimidating in real life as you are online" made by someone who had read my comments on the blog of someone I had already met in real life to the "how was the beach this morning?" asked by someone I had just met who had been following me on Twitter, it was all quite weird and perhaps even a little unsettling. I must admit that it actually had an effect on how I interacted with them at first, as guards and self-consciousness both went up in spades. And to be honest I'm still not sure how much each of my new friends already knew about me.

I like to think I'm well aware of how public the stuff I write is: it was more the increased immediacy of feedback than the lack of a level playing field or any privacy concerns that got me. I think what actually took me by surprise was how merged the virtual and real world had become over the last two weeks. Here, instead of receiving blog comments on a post I had written, I was getting real live feedback. People didn't @reply me in response to a tweet, they sent me a text. And unlike on the Internet it's a lot more difficult to dismiss or ignore comments made in real life by people in the same room as you are.

I must stress that this was all temporary though; after a few minutes with a new face they had become real life acquaintances who then just happened to follow me on Twitter or read my blog. Currently the vast majority of people I recognise who follow me or read my blog I had already come to know of in real life first, and for me most of the people I met here in South Africa have now fallen into this category too.

The weird thing is that despite this experience of pleasantly meeting personalities that had only existed in cyberspace, I'm still nowhere near in getting over my issues regarding my participation in the kind of social networking I describe above.

Perhaps I'm just a Luddite?