Comments on Radio Shak: Co-dependence

A good post for once :)

2009-07-21T13:42:45.657+01:00

A good post for once :)

"And now we find ourselves in the position wh...

2009-06-04T20:02:27.644+01:00

"And now we find ourselves in the position where we don't technically need partners any more. We have our own money, we can keep our own homes, we have our own friends to lean on. Faced with this there's no purpose or even room for a partner. I mean hey: what would be the point?"

Only someone who has never been in a relationsip could think their mum or mates are any kind of substitute for the unique kind of relationship (and the needs it fulfils, emotionally and physically) between a man and woman.

Also, to put it crudely, how do friends/family satisty the physical needs? Unless you have a very low sex drive, which is nothing to be ashamed of.

"I'd be the first to admit that I depend on my family a lot... Where some people have seen that as a weakness, I see it as a blessing. The fact is that I could move out and learn to cook and keep a home...but possibly counter-intuitively I just don't think it would be very facilitating to my general well-being. I want to rely on someone else for some things, just like I would want my nearest and dearest to rely on me for the things I can best provide."

What a poor excuse for still living with parents post-30.

dude good post, I was surprised by how much of it ...

2009-05-11T20:18:00.000+01:00

dude good post, I was surprised by how much of it I agreed with and in regards to Zany's first post

>> I think the most important thing is cerebral connection/admiration.

Agreed.

I have met girls though that do seem to think being a wife and mother is somehow beneath them which I find strange, I think it's because we live in a society where every last thing is given a monetary value. Status is more important than self-worth The real value is lost... but hey if you can snag a rich guy you can pay someone to raise your kids for you.

Zany, >I have always felt that as a woman I am...

2009-05-11T14:04:00.000+01:00

Zany,

>I have always felt that as a woman I am not only required to cook and clean (and I don't think they are submissive responsibilities), but also excel academically, and professionally. I see that working women are faced with that dilemma, juggling two full time careers (motherhood and their daytime job), more than working men.

You've said this already, but ignored the question I asked in response: required by whom? And further given the choice what would you rather have done? Why didn't you take that choice?

Kia,

>Really? Really really?

Hmm, smells like a trap. I'll let you elaborate before falling into it :)

> I recognise that practically you can't do...

2009-05-11T13:15:00.000+01:00

> I recognise that practically you can't do everything together - but I think it's important to at least aspire to that.

Really? Really really?

Shak, As far as the traditional roles are concern...

2009-05-11T13:08:00.000+01:00

Shak,

As far as the traditional roles are concerned, I have always felt that as a woman I am not only required to cook and clean (and I don't think they are submissive responsibilities), but also excel academically, and professionally. I see that working women are faced with that dilemma, juggling two full time careers (motherhood and their daytime job), more than working men.

I feel that the fact that we are trying to be so many things at the same time, we lose sight of the importance of creating an emotional need for the spouse. Consequently, co-dependence has become a flaw.

Zany, >For those of us who are brought up in t...

2009-05-11T08:47:00.000+01:00

Zany,

>For those of us who are brought up in the post-feminism era, we are not only encouraged to learn the traditional roles a woman is required to perform, as a wife and mother, but we are also required to excel academically.

By whom? I actually don't have a problem with someone having a wide range of skills - however sometimes academics/professionalism comes with the idea that "traditional roles" aren't as worthy.

>But, I think the symbiotic relationship you mentioned here does not automatically guarantee marital bliss.

Absolutely not. Although I've presented this as a vital component, it's not the only one. There's love, trust and co-appreciation too. I do think that this is currently the most neglected aspect though and so possibly needs to be addressed more urgently.

Thanks for the reply!

Independence is over-rated.

2009-05-11T06:19:00.000+01:00

Independence is over-rated.

2009-05-11T04:03:00.000+01:00

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This is a very well-written post. You cover a lot ...

2009-05-11T04:01:00.000+01:00

This is a very well-written post. You cover a lot of ground in this one, albeit long, post :).

And now we find ourselves in the position where we don't technically need partners any more. We have our own money, we can keep our own homes, we have our own friends to lean on. Faced with this there's no purpose or even room for a partner. I mean hey: what would be the point?I think when one has loving parents, siblings, and friends it is very easy to neglect the importance of marriage. I have had the same dilemma. But, then there is a very beautiful verse in Quran about the relationship between husband and wife which highlights the emotional intimacy of this relationship: "They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them." (Surah Baqrah)

For those of us who are brought up in the post-feminism era, we are not only encouraged to learn the traditional roles a woman is required to perform, as a wife and mother, but we are also required to excel academically. Conversely, there are some of us who have fallen for the "Sex and the City" BS. Where, feminism is seen as retail therapy, promiscuity, hanging with the girls, and bitching about men.

I agree with everything you said about co-dependence. But, I think the symbiotic relationship you mentioned here does not automatically guarantee marital bliss. There are myriad cases of unhappy marriages, where the husband and wife follow the "traditional" roles you discussed.

I think the most important thing is cerebral connection/admiration. If a husband and wife don't have the same expectations, and that undeniable mental connection they wouldn't be able to recognize each other's significance. Forgive my Obamamania, I see that mythical connection in the Obamas. I just finished watching the Washington Correspondence Dinner, and after each comic punchline the Obamas kept looking at each other for affirmation/acknowledgement. Even though, they were not sitting next to each other, they were able to share the jokes, with the simple eye contact, and head nodding.

Apologies for this very long response. In my defence, it was a very riveting post.