Thursday, November 16

Looking To Get Married

Contrary to popular belief, I wouldn't say I'm "looking to get married". Before you all go off and start looking for flying pigs, I don't think it's accurate since a) it's not a priority and b) I don't feel that I need to get hitched (as opposed to want, or don't mind). Sure, this state of mind is different to what I had at other times in my life, and will quite possibly change again in the future, but for now, at the time of writing, it's true.

What image do you get when someone says that they are though? It's not a trick question or anything, and if your initial impression is "desperate" then I reckon you're not alone. Personally I can't help but imagine them with a map of the town or city in which they live, with a big red "X" marking the spot. Or on their hands and knees searching for something they've lost.

But are these reactions unfair? Maybe, but I'm not sure that they're too unreasonable. Let's consider an unemployed someone who claims to be "looking for a job". Now usually, job-searching is a focused, stressful time-taking chore. The individual concerned becomes someone else, and judgement is sometimes impaired. It's uncommon for a person to be as they usually are, and sometimes they do act kinda desperate. They'll even admit to as much.

Potential rishtas are now literally interviewing for a specific role. Interviewers, as they become more frustrated with applicants, begin to search for the best that's out there; whatever will do. It becomes practical and clinical.

I think that one shouldn't be too preoccupied with marriage. As romantic as the notion might be, I don't think a marriage completes the people involved, rather it enhances them to the stage where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. And, to be honest, it concerns me when people say that they're looking to get married, not because I think that they're desperate, but rather 'cos it might mean that they don't think they're whole otherwise.

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with someone that needs me in this way, since on some level it means that, potentially, anyone else could have filled those shoes. The job example then becomes more than just an analogy.

In fact the opposite might even be more attractive: someone who is perfectly happy and secure alone, someone who doesn't need anyone else to carry on, someone who gives up an existing rich single life to try something much more risky.

I'm always raising an eyebrow at those that claim to be looking to get married. And that's why I'd possibly prefer someone who isn't looking to get married at all.

1 comment:

  1. What a load of tosh! Im glad you put "might mean that they dont think their whole," cos thats a big maybe!
    Maybe people who directly say they are looking to get married are precisely the ones who are secure in themselves and know what they want in life- the next stage, wanting to share and grow in life with someone etc. They may have actively made this decision because they feel they have achieved a state in their life where they are comfortable with themselves and KNOW they can offer a potential partner alot.

    And maybe.. we all just wana have sex before we're 45 or summat- in which case dude, if you wana do things the Islamic way, ya need a spouse.

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