Friday, July 21

Six Months Later...

Well it's now been around six months since my first introduction, and I think I've been on the scene (oh dear) long enough to note a few observations and experiences.

Firstly, whoever said that all introductions were the same must have been to just the one. I mean I've been in as many different situations as there have been girls (not that there have been that many, but still). Ok, there have been the normal house visits by us and them (the latter being totally besti in my opinion) and sure, I've been served the symbolic juice (I don't drink tea). But that's where the clich├ęs end.

With some families I've spent more time with an older brother than the girl in question, and there have even been visits where I've not seen the girl. And the times that I have got to speak to one, we've been left both with a chaperone and completely alone. I've also been given email and MSN addresses on which to (solely) make and receive an impression. More recently I've even been handed the number of a certain husbandless girl by my own mother and then left to my own devices. Yes, that's right: mum's now become my new wingman-slash-pimp. All very, very different, but I suppose in hindsight I shouldn't have expected anything else.

Generally it's been tough talking to these girls. I wouldn't say awkward though, and it's not about being embarrassed or scared of making a fool of myself. But it is weird knowing that some kind of make-or-break decision will have to be made at some point in the near future. And that's what makes it hard: the synthetic or manufactured vibe of the whole thing. The same thing that applies to the Shaadi.coms and even the more formal introductions I've had via friends.

It's just a context thing, of course. It's not the particular girls that are causing this reaction but more the situation we've been placed in. As an extreme indication of this, I tend to get on well with the more "inaccessible" members of the opposite sex (like those who are older, of the wrong background/religion or the ones already involved in a relationship). As a conclusion, perhaps something a bit more organic would suit me more?

But what if this organic free-range engagement I'm looking for can't be be found in an arranged marriage framework? Nah, I reckon that there's enough variation around for me to find an approach I'm more comfortable with and I have to admit that being given a phone number to call without any intervention from parents is interesting. With these kind of "free" approaches lie the dual benefits of there being less pressure in the first place and having a good indication of the mindset of the families involved; as some may know I don't belong to the most traditional of clans.

Finally, there's the age thing. But when I say "age" I don't mean years or even maturity (since, y'know, I have almost none). I do however think that single people develop in a different way to those in relationships, or put more bluntly as you grow older you really do become set in your ways.

This in itself isn't a problem with introductions, but because:

  • there is a natural tendency for guys to be older
  • those who expect their marriage to be arranged also expect to develop in this way after it
  • those that are used to their space may avoid arranged marriages in the first place
it may prove difficult to find someone with the same awareness and respect of space that I may have.

And that's about it really. And I am enjoying myself; I think I have to in order to survive the process without becoming as cynical as others might have become during their own particular ordeals. I'm also getting used to the whole process and maybe even becoming better at dealing with each new encounter. Of course, the irony is that if I did find someone I'd like to progress with, I probably wouldn't have had any of the above issues with them anyway. On the other hand, perhaps that's the exact sign I should be looking for?

7 comments:

  1. Waiting is what drives the people I know looney. So maybe don't wait and that *Magic Click*, when you *Just Know* that married people rant on about might drop by, lol.

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  2. yoike those who are older, of the wrong background/religion or the ones already involved in a relationship

    u basically like what you can't have

    for a guy who isn't so bothered whether he gets married or remains single you don't half go on about marriage and meeting someone etc!

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  3. hahaahahahahaahah @ sanny ;-) i couldnt agree more.

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  4. getting on better with women you can't have is pretty much because you go in there with no expectations and the read that in you. the vibes you give off are not romantic ones and so a comfort zone develops between the girl and yourself, which leads to a friendship rather than a different kind of involvement. in fact, a lot of chicks seem to like guys who are not interested because then it's a challenge to seduce them so ya never know ;)

    dude, a piece of advice though (it's free so be a good asian boy and take it!). stop thinking about this so hard and just let things develop. you definitely need to try and simplfy life instead of over-complicating it as you seem to be doing here by analysing everything a la dawson's ass-crack. go with the flow and unexpected developments will take place. difficult eh? i never said it was gonna be easy...

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  5. you definitely need to try and simplfy life instead of over-complicating it as you seem to be doing here by analysing everything a la dawson's ass-crack.

    I totally second that.

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  6. lol omg..this was a really good post!

    lmao @ Yes, that's right: mum's now become my new wingman-slash-pimp.

    really though I agree, the entire situation is awkward b/c of the "expectations." I personally can talk to a bush if need be, but having that pressure of making a decision about the guy as a potential spouse is nerve wracking!

    ask z wut my advice was to her for finding a husband..haha :P

    Happy Hunting foolio!

    ws,

    ~ m ~

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  7. two classic lines that made me laugh:

    shakil "mum's now become my new wingman-slash-pimp"

    rohit "analysing everything a la dawson's ass-crack".

    lol. nice one guys.

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